As 2023 draws to a close and we stand on the threshold of 2024, it’s a natural time for reflection on both our achievements and unfulfilled aspirations.

The transformative impact of the post-COVID work landscape is evident as a substantial portion of the workforce continues to navigate a hybrid work model.

The shift towards this new normal underscores the evolving dynamics of professional life, where adaptability is key.

In this evolving professional landscape, there is a growing recognition among managers of the significance of Emotional Intelligence (EQ) in tandem with traditional Intelligence Quotient (IQ) skills. The acknowledgment of this dual importance suggests a positive shift towards a more empathetic and holistic approach to leadership. If this perspective gains wider acceptance and employees are genuinely appreciated for their contributions, it could mark a significant departure from mere glimpses of progress to a sustained positive change.

An encouraging trend to note is the diminishing stigma around acknowledging and addressing stress in the workplace. Progress is evident when efforts to cultivate a healthy workplace culture become commonplace, signifying a collective step in the right direction.

A Commitment to Wellbeing

I find it heartening to observe that Health and Safety (H&S) professionals are now taking a comprehensive approach by considering the well-being of the entire individual across both personal and professional spheres. Having had the privilege of addressing various H&S audiences over the past year, I see a commitment to promoting a holistic understanding of employee health.

Personal Responsibility

Acknowledging stress as an inherent aspect of our lives, it’s imperative for individuals to assume personal responsibility for their well-being and develop effective stress management strategies. Recognising that there is no one-size-fits-all solution, each person must identify what works best for them and actively incorporate those practices into their lives.

Continuous Growth

While the concept of self-improvement may sound straightforward, the reality often involves ongoing efforts and a commitment to continuous growth. As we approach the close of 2023, it prompts introspection – how many of us reading this can honestly say, “I did that, but I can do better”?

Let’s embrace honesty in our self-assessment. We all have the capacity to improve. As we eagerly anticipate the advent of 2024, it becomes an opportunity to envision and strive for a version of ourselves that embodies continuous improvement.

Here’s to the promise of “doing better” and the exciting journey that lies ahead in the coming year.

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Can Do Better!

Henry James, a renowned author, once profoundly stated, “Three things in human life are important. The first is to be kind. The second is to be kind. And the third is to be kind.”

These poignant words underscore the immense significance of kindness in our existence, emphasising its profound impact on our overall well-being and the broader fabric of society.

Why Are Some People Unkind?

There can be various reasons why people act unkindly towards others and here are some possible explanations for unkind behaviour:

1. Lack of empathy: Some individuals may struggle to understand or share the feelings of others, which can result in a lack of compassion and kindness.
2. Insecurity and low self-esteem: People who feel insecure about themselves or have low self-esteem might engage in unkind behaviour as a way to feel better about themselves or to assert power over others.
3. Socialisation and environment: People’s behaviour is shaped by their upbringing, cultural norms, and social environment.
4. Lack of awareness or understanding: Some people may not be aware of the impact of their actions or words on others.
5. Frustration and stress: When people are overwhelmed by stress, frustration, or other negative emotions, they may lash out at others as a way to cope or release their pent-up feelings.

Why We Should be Kind?

Kindness serves as a cornerstone for establishing and nurturing robust relationships. When we embrace kindness and extend it towards others, we foster an atmosphere of trust and security that facilitates the development of deeper connections. By genuinely caring about individuals, we create a space where they feel comfortable opening up, sharing their thoughts, and expressing their emotions.

Kindness is rooted in empathy, the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. When we are kind, we show compassion and concern for the well-being of others. This fosters positive connections and relationships, and it helps create a more harmonious and supportive society.

Ripple Effect

You will find that kindness has a ripple effect. When we act kindly towards someone, it often inspires them to be kind to others as well. It sets off a chain reaction of goodwill and can make a significant difference in someone’s day or even their life. Small acts of kindness can have a huge impact.

Healthy Relationships

Kindness is the foundation of strong and healthy relationships. When we are kind to others, we foster trust, respect, and understanding. It helps create a positive and supportive environment in which people feel valued and appreciated. Kindness strengthens social bonds and promotes cooperation and collaboration.

The Emotive Power of Kindness

Beyond the interpersonal realm, kindness wields a transformative power that influences our own emotional landscape. It engenders a host of positive emotions, such as happiness, gratitude, and compassion. These uplifting sentiments, in turn, contribute to an enhanced sense of well-being and a more optimistic perspective on life. Through acts of kindness, we not only uplift the lives of those around us but also nurture our own inner growth and contentment.

Fostering Understanding and Harmony

The influence of kindness extends far beyond individual interactions; it holds the potential to reshape societies plagued by negativity and division. When we choose kindness as a guiding principle, we dismantle barriers, foster understanding, and pave the way for a more harmonious and peaceful coexistence. Each act of kindness can become a catalyst for positive change, inspiring others to follow suit and perpetuate a ripple effect of compassion and benevolence.

Choosing Kindness

Kindness, therefore, transcends being merely a pleasant gesture; it assumes a central role in cultivating a rich and purposeful life. By consciously practicing kindness in our day-to-day existence, we forge stronger bonds, experience heightened happiness and well-being, and actively contribute to the creation of a more positive and harmonious world for all.

On 23 November, it was World Kindness Day but every day should be WORLD KINDNESS DAY.

Read more:
The Magic of Kindness:  the ripple effect

A strong leader who demonstrates caring for their team is more likely to have a team who in turn care about their own personal goals and successes. A team that cares can mean the difference between moderate and maximum productivity and performance.

Not everyone is born with the skillset to lead a team. However, like many skills, it can be taught. The more you practice a skill, the better at it you become. The steps below can form part of the building blocks to developing this skillset.

Have Their Back

A good leader is one that takes the brunt of the force in order to alleviate the challenges of the team. They look out for their team members who can rest assured their leader has their back. This will increase their faith in you and establish a relationship of trust and cooperation.

Be Adaptable

Many team leaders can find it hard to change their direction considering new information or circumstances, or when plans fail. Most people don’t admit when they are wrong, mistakenly assuming that this may highlight weaknesses when in actual fact it can reveal their strength. Team members need to trust the judgment of their leader and support their decisions because they appreciate honesty and transparency.

Unite Your Team

The best team leaders try to get to know and understand their team members on a personal level. Creating and sharing positive social experiences with your team helps to establish a connection and build a trusting relationship. Spending quality time with your team, rather than hiding away in the office, is known to build trust as it leads to the release of oxytocin, a hormone that helps us empathise and relate to others.

Put Yourself in Their Shoes

It is said that the higher up in the company you go, the lower your emotional intelligence may become, including the ability to empathise. However, it is important to relate to, and engage with your team members, being able to put yourself in their shoes. Why they might do something, or how they might be feeling. Imagine the fears, challenges, and problems that they may be experiencing.

Set Goals

Think about the way a sports coach trains an athlete to perform. The athlete delivers the result and while the coach feels pride and happiness for them, they don’t stop there. They show them what can go wrong or how they can do better. They set their sights on the next goal and strive to achieve more. Teams appreciate leaders who challenge them and push them to reach and exceed their goals.

Don’t Get Too Invested

While it is good to genuinely care and engage in authentic, trusting relationships with your employees, too much emotion can lead to an unproductive team. Leaders are trusted to do what is right, not what is easy. It can be tempting to find an easier way out; however, this may not work in the long-term.

Communicate

You can probably tell when something is bothering a friend. That same skill set is drawn upon when things aren’t quite right with members of your team. We hear that people would rather deal with risk, as opposed to ambiguity. So, it is important to clearly communicate and listen. Provide as much information as you can for your team, otherwise they can come to lose trust in you.

Value Your Team

Feeling valued is one of the most important emotional, human needs to be met. Failing to provide recognition or advance people’s progression is the leading cause of employee dissatisfaction.

When you are at work, you want to know that you’re an integral part of the company. You want to know when you have done a good job. It is the same for the rest of your team. Teams feel happier and driven to improve when they receive recognition and incentives.

Do you want to lead your teams successfully?

If the answer is ‘yes’, then there are some simple easy-to-implement tools to help you to lead your teams more effectively.

Leading isn’t a skill that people are necessarily born with, and even those that are good at it may face difficulties at some point in time. You might like some help and in which case, our coaching service might be helpful to you if you would like to learn how to improve your leadership skills.

Good luck with these tips which will help you to get a better grasp on leadership and create more productive teams.

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Leading Your Teams Successfully

How often do you find yourself pulled away from your tasks by distractions throughout the day? The answer for most of us is “many times.”

Picture this: you’re diligently working on a report, and suddenly, an email notification pops up on your screen. It takes a rare individual to resist the urge to peek and wonder about its content. You break away from your current task and dive into something entirely different. After handling the distraction, you return to your report, only to ask yourself, “Now, where was I?”

Multiply this scenario by countless interruptions each day, and then consider the cumulative effect over a week, a month, and an entire year. How much precious time do you estimate you’ve squandered over 12 months? And it’s not just about wasted time; it’s about the quality of your work. Constantly shifting your attention from one task to another disrupts your concentration and hinders your ability to excel in any one area.

So, what’s the solution? Here are some strategies to help you regain control:

1. Disable Email Alerts: Turn off those distracting email notifications. You don’t have to respond immediately to every message that lands in your inbox.
2. Screen Phone Calls: Don’t feel compelled to answer the phone simply because it’s ringing. Let it go to voicemail if you’re engaged in focused work.
3. Practice Saying No: Learn to decline distractions politely. Not every interruption deserves your immediate attention.
4. Discipline Yourself: Develop the self-control to resist impulsive responses to distractions. Train yourself to stay on track.
5. Set Internet Time Limits: Implement a 10-minute rule for internet browsing. Allocate specific times for web surfing to avoid mindless scrolling.
6. Communicate Your Focus: Inform colleagues and acquaintances when you’re engaged in deep, concentrated work. Set clear boundaries and expectations for interruption-free periods.

By adopting these strategies, you can regain control over your attention and productivity, ensuring that you perform at your best while minimising the impact of distractions on your life.

Good luck!

Read more:
Unplugging Distractions: Mastering Concentration in the Modern World

The arrival of summer brings with it an invaluable opportunity to rejuvenate our spirits and refocus our energies.

As the days stretch longer and the warmth envelops us, it’s a chance to step back, reassess, and propel ourselves towards a more balanced and fulfilling existence.

Creating a Balance Lifestyle for the Second Half

In these warmer months, consider easing off the accelerator of your daily life. Allow yourself the grace to reflect upon the past months, evaluating the strides you’ve made and the areas where improvement is sought. Your health and wellbeing deserve prime attention. Have you truly nurtured your physical and mental state? Should the next half of the year be dedicated to enhancing these aspects?

Redefining Your Fitness Routine

The second half of the year beckons with promise, and there’s no better time to fine-tune your routines. Take stock of your exercise regimen – is it robust enough, or can you usher in a more invigorating routine? The summer months, with their inherent serenity, offer an ideal backdrop to forge healthier habits. Whether it’s brisk morning walks, invigorating jogs, or serene yoga sessions, the choice is yours.

Beyond Vacation:  Embracing Local Tranquillity

While jetting off on a vacation is a delightful prospect, the essence of summer stretches far beyond travel. August unfurls an exquisite canvas, painting quiet roads and unhurried mornings when school bells no longer dictate your schedule. Whether you’re amid bustling city streets or nestled in a quiet suburb, this month extends an invitation to revel in the peacefulness, allowing your spirit to unwind.

Cultivating Productivity Through a Clear Desk

Consider dedicating a portion of your summer to clearing your workspace – a physical manifestation of decluttering your mind. Tidy up the cluttered desk, file away the loose papers, and create an environment conducive to productivity. Alternatively, delve into that book that’s been patiently waiting, its pages brimming with untold stories and insights.

Escaping the Frenzy:  Enjoying Simple Pleasures

Amidst the clamour of life, the tranquillity of summer beckons you to savour life’s simpler pleasures. Embrace leisurely strolls through sun-dappled parks, where the rhythm of nature’s heartbeat sets the pace. Gaze upon the intricacies of flora, soak in the warmth of sunlight, and find solace in these cherished moments.

Emerging From Summer with a Revitalised Spirit

Ultimately, the summer isn’t just a season on the calendar – it’s an opportunity for profound transformation. It’s a chance to realign with your aspirations, rekindle your passions, and embark on the journey of self-improvement. Embrace the slower rhythm, immerse yourself in the symphony of nature, and emerge from this season rejuvenated, ready to conquer the world with renewed vigour and a deeper appreciation for life’s beauty.

Read more:
Embrace the Summer: A Season of Reflection and Renewal

One of the biggest challenges for businesses is retaining their top talent. Losing key employees can have a significant impact on a company’s productivity, profitability, and overall success.

Top performers are often the driving force behind a company’s success, so it is crucial to keep them engaged and motivated.

So, here are some strategies to help businesses keep their top talent.

Offer competitive compensation and benefits

Money is not the only factor that motivates employees, but it is an important one. Offering competitive compensation and benefits is crucial for retaining top talent. Paying employees what they are worth, providing healthcare benefits, retirement plans, and other perks can go a long way in keeping them motivated and satisfied. If your company cannot afford to pay top salaries, consider offering other incentives like bonuses, stock options, or flexible work arrangements.

Provide opportunities for career growth and development

Employees who feel like they are learning, growing, and developing in their careers are more likely to stay with a company long-term. Providing opportunities for career growth and development is essential for keeping top talent engaged and motivated. This can include offering training programs, mentoring, coaching, or career advancement opportunities. When employees feel like they have a future with a company, they are more likely to stay loyal.

Foster a positive company culture

Company culture is the personality of a company. It includes the company’s values, beliefs, behaviours, and practices. Fostering a positive company culture is crucial for retaining top talent. Employees want to work in a positive, supportive, and inclusive environment. Encourage open communication, respect diversity, promote work-life balance, recognise and reward employees for their contributions, and provide a sense of community.

Recognise and reward top performers

Recognising and rewarding top performers is essential for keeping them engaged and motivated. Employees want to feel appreciated and valued for their contributions. This can include offering bonuses, promotions, or other incentives. Celebrate their achievements, give them public recognition, and show them how their work is contributing to the company’s success.

Provide a sense of purpose

Employees want to feel like their work has meaning and purpose. They want to feel like they are contributing to something greater than themselves. Providing a sense of purpose is essential for retaining top talent. Help employees understand how their work is contributing to the company’s mission, vision, and values. Show them how their work is making a difference in the world.

Encourage work-life balance

Work-life balance is becoming increasingly important to employees. Providing opportunities for employees to achieve work-life balance is crucial for retaining top talent. This can include offering flexible work arrangements, such as telecommuting or flexible schedules, and providing resources for employees to manage stress and maintain a healthy work-life balance.

Retaining top talent is essential for the success of any business. Providing competitive compensation and benefits, opportunities for career growth and development, fostering a positive company culture, recognising and rewarding top performers, providing a sense of purpose, and encouraging work-life balance are all strategies that can help businesses keep their top talent engaged and motivated. By implementing these strategies, companies can reduce turnover, increase productivity, and achieve long-term success.

It is not rocket science on how to keep your top talent and here are just six key strategies that will show you how you can help your business retain your best people: 1.  Offering competitive compensation and benefits, 2.  Providing opportunities for career growth and development, 3.  Fostering a positive company culture, 4. recognising and rewarding top performers, 5. Providing a sense of purpose, 6. Encouraging work-life balance. These tactics can increase employee motivation and satisfaction, resulting in reduced turnover and increased productivity for the company.

Read more:
How to Retain Your Top Talent: Key Strategies for Success

Do you sometimes get anxious when speaking to a new client?  Would you rather work alone and not in a team?  Would you often prefer to stay at home, than attend an after work party organised by your department?

If you can answer these questions with a ‘yes’, then you are probably an introvert.  But, before you start thinking that this is a negative trait, let’s look at some of the most influential people of our time who prove that you don’t have to be the loudest voice in the room to be heard.

Introverts commonly assume that they must conform to the extrovert mould in order to be successful, however, Bill Gates, Microsoft’s founder and philanthropist, is reported to have strong introvert traits but still develop his passions, successfully. He said, ‘I think introverts can do quite well.  If you’re clever, you can learn to get the benefits of being an introvert, which might be, say, being willing to go off for a few days and think about a tough problem, read everything you can, push yourself very hard to think out on the edge of that area.’

In the corporate world, with its emphasis on self-promotion and networking, many introverts feel immense pressure to act like extroverts. Such individuals may even worry that they will be overlooked for promotion, so in order to compensate, they may go to great lengths to pretend to be extroverts and often end up feeling frustrated by trying hard to be someone else.

Any introvert needs to embrace their natural strengths.  He, or she, is usually quiet, thoughtful and calm – many qualities that would benefit an extrovert.  They will usually like focused work and are able to concentrate for long periods at a time.

So by harnessing their personality traits, they can stay true to themselves and stand out from the crowd for who they actually are and not for who they are trying to be.

So let us look at ways that introverts can exploit the benefit of their natural

abilities:

1. Harness your personality traits: An introvert will usually sit quietly in a meeting and listen to everyone’s opinion before giving of their own.  But, the chances are that when they give it, it will have been considered carefully and weighed up accordingly before speaking.
2. Preparation: Introverts like to prepare well in advance for meetings and presentations.  There can be many hidden benefits here.  If you collect all the relevant ideas and facts in advance, the chances are that you will be more knowledgeable and organised.
3. Show passion: Introverts are usually not good at ‘small talk’ but prefer meaningful conversations on those topics upon which they have an opinion.  So it is useful for them to connect with those who share their interests and ideas.
4. ‘Me’ time: Introverts prefer to work alone and don’t like interruptions.  So instead of seeing this as a negative, give yourself permission to take yourself off on a quiet walk away from the office at lunch-time which will give you a good chance to recharge your batteries in an environment in which you feel comfortable.

At the end of the day, introverts need to play to their strengths and not shy away from them.  Be proud of who you are.  You may not be the same as those who are always seeking attention in the office, but you can bring a calmness to stressful situations and your colleagues will feel reassured and will trust you, knowing that you are able to deal with unexpected situations, calmly.

Foster your belief in yourself and the unique strengths that you bring to the table. If you truly believe in yourself, then it’s only a matter of time before others will believe in you too! So, rather than feeling that your introverted tendencies are an obstacle to success, use your natural gifts to your advantage.

Key Points

A quiet personality can be as effective as a noisy one

If you prefer to work away from groups, then do it

A lion is very silent when it stalks its kill

Read more:
Are you an introvert?

Hybrid working has become one of the most discussed topics in the post-pandemic world, with more and more companies shifting their focus to this flexible work arrangement.

But is it working? Well, it depends.  So, let’s explore the benefits and challenges of hybrid working, and why companies need to be strategic in implementing it.

The Benefits of Hybrid Working

Hybrid working allows employees to have a better work-life balance, as they can choose to work from home or come into the office as needed. This can lead to increased job satisfaction and productivity, as employees feel trusted and valued by their employers. It also means that employees can work from anywhere, which opens up opportunities for remote work and allows companies to tap into a wider pool of talent.

Moreover, hybrid working can lead to cost savings for companies, as they do not need to provide as much office space or equipment. This can be a significant benefit, especially for small businesses or startups that are trying to keep costs down.

The Challenges of Hybrid Working

However, there are also some challenges to hybrid working. One of the biggest challenges is communication and collaboration, as team members may be working in different locations and time zones. It can be difficult to coordinate meetings and ensure that everyone is on the same page.

Another challenge is maintaining a sense of team culture and collaboration. When working remotely, employees may feel isolated and disconnected from their colleagues, which can lead to a lack of motivation and engagement.

Some employees may struggle with the lack of structure and social interaction that comes with remote work. This can impact their mental health and wellbeing, and companies need to be aware of this when implementing hybrid working.  What is suitable for one person may not be suitable for someone else and it is important to understand the skills and trait of individual team members.

Strategies for Successful Hybrid Working

To make hybrid working successful, companies need to have effective strategies in place. Here are some key strategies that can help:

1. Communication and Collaboration Tools

Effective communication and collaboration tools are essential for successful hybrid working. Companies can use video conferencing software, instant messaging, and project management tools to ensure that employees can stay connected and collaborate effectively. Moreover, regular team meetings / coffee mornings can help to maintain a sense of team culture and ensure that everyone is on the same page.

1. Clear Guidelines and Expectations

It’s important to set clear guidelines and expectations for hybrid working, such as work hours and response times. This can help to ensure that employees are clear about what is expected of them and can manage their time effectively.

1. Training and Support

Companies need to provide training and support to employees to ensure that they can adapt to hybrid working effectively. This can include training on communication and collaboration tools, as well as the essential support for mental health and wellbeing.

1. Flexibility and Adaptability

Companies need to be flexible and adaptable when implementing hybrid working. This means being open to feedback from employees and making changes as needed. It also means being prepared to adjust policies and strategies based on changing circumstances, such as new technology or a shift in the job market.

In conclusion, hybrid working can be a great option for companies and employees, as long as it is implemented strategically. Companies need to have effective communication and collaboration tools in place, set clear guidelines and expectations, provide training and support, and be flexible and adaptable. By doing so, companies can ensure that hybrid working is successful and beneficial for all involved.

Read more:
Mastering Hybrid Working:  Benefits, Challenges and Strategies

A power nap is a short sleep that terminates before the occurrence of deep sleep and is intended to quickly revitalise you.

It may not always make you popular with your boss but a power nap in the middle of the day may well boost your brain power and if this were to happen, I don’t think there would be any complaints – particularly if your newly refreshed mind enabled you to work faster and more creatively!

Whilst many people will ridicule the idea of taking a snooze at lunchtime, many influential people have taken cat naps.  British Prime Minister Winston Churchill’s afternoon nap was a non-negotiable part of his daily routine, and this was credited to giving him the stamina to work through the night until 4 a.m. during the Second World War.  US President John F Kennedy kept strictly to his routine of a 1–2 hour nap after lunch, and Margaret Thatcher famously maintained that she only needed ‘four hours to run the country’.

There is considerable research which shows that a power nap is beneficial in clearing the brain’s short-term memory to make room for new information – similar to defragging your hard-drive.  On a neuro-cognitive level, a short sleep can move you beyond where you were before you took a nap and many sleep researchers argue that being awake from early morning until late at night is actually detrimental to performance.

Sleeping on the job

Many companies are beginning to see the merit of power naps and are beginning to embrace this practice by actually encouraging their employees to add a midday snooze to their to-do lists.

It is recommended that a 20 minute nap in the afternoon after lunch is ideal for many executives.  A deep sleep is not recommended because you still want to remain alert for the rest of the day whilst a short nap will allow you to be more productive afterwards than you were before.  You may be able to find a room where you can be undisturbed by either email or phone.  Or if you are driving to a meeting, think about getting there early and allowing yourself a 15 minute nap in the car before setting your cellphone alarm to wake you up.

Common practice at work

Forward-thinking companies may actually provide sleeping pods where people can go and sleep.  These would be specially designed cubicles that offer comfort, privacy and quiet away from the frenetic pace of the business world.  Some airports have already introduced such accommodation units offering full side beds that offer a place to rest that is both convenient and comfortable.

Nap blockers

If you are going to take a nap, then be careful of stimulants.  A coffee at breakfast is fine but if you are planning a power nap after lunch then extra coffee mid-morning is probably not a good idea!

If you sleep lightly for 20 minutes, that will refresh the mind and you shouldn’t have a problem in feeling groggy when you wake up.  However, sleeping longer can take you into deeper stages of sleep from which it is more difficult to awaken.  That is the purpose of your much deeper sleep at night (with your Teddy Bear!).

Furthermore, if you are feeling anxious or irritable, then a cat nap can replenish serotonin levels in your brain and by reversing those feelings, create a more positive, mental outlook.  Higher levels of serotonin are also linked to lower stress levels, fewer mood swings and increased feelings of satisfaction and well-being while lower levels are liked to anxiety, depression and other negative emotions.

So try to tailor your power-naps to your own specific needs on any particular day because demands on your time and energies are always variable dependent upon your specific workload. The aim is to be able to work at optimum performance level for as long as possible during your working day. If you can achieve that for maybe 90% of the time, you’re doing really well!

I hope that companies will increasingly accept this idea and find ways of providing the right environment for napping to become acceptable in the workplace.  Power naps can be good for your health as well as keeping you performing optimally, so don’t feel guilty about taking one!

Key Points

• A short nap of 15-20 min can re-energize you
• Keep a watch on the amount of coffee or tea
• Peak performance is good both for you and your employer

Read more:
Power Napping leads to Peak Performance

I am deeply saddened to learn of the death of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II and my condolences go out to the Royal Family and the many millions of people whose lives she touched during her reign.

The death of our Queen after a 70-year reign is obviously a major event which affects us all and there are constitutional protocols surrounding her funeral arrangements. Bereavement is something that will undoubtedly be experienced by all of us at some point in our lives, but on a much smaller scale of course.

For those of us who experience a bereavement during our working lives, how it is dealt with can either increase or decrease the pain that is felt.

Knowing What to Say and Do

In my experience, all too often, the response of the employer/manager can be insufficient, or inappropriate, compared to what is actually needed at the time.  Regretfully, the consequences of bereavement on the life of an individual are often poorly understood, particularly its psychological impact, despite it being an event all of us will experience at some point.  I have seen too many instances where employees are asked to return to work after attending the funeral of a loved one, but their loss and grief are completely ignored by colleagues and/or management when they return.

However, the inadequacy of the managerial response is not necessarily the result of indifference to an employee’s distress but more often because the manager doesn’t know what the appropriate level of support should be.

Words are Valuable

It is never easy to know what to say to someone who is bereaved and saying ‘I’m sorry’ just seems inadequate.  However, very often those words are all that the person needs to hear to know that others care.  Unfortunately, a bereaved person is too often avoided because others feel awkward.

We have to take our lead from the individual concerned.  While you are rushing into a meeting will probably not be the right time to start this conversation but making some quiet time over a cup of coffee might well be more helpful and shows sensitivity.

A lack of support can also mean that the employee may take time off sick as they struggle with their loss and may be demotivated on their return. However, if there is genuine support this will engender loyalty and goodwill towards the employer.

Making Time to Listen

So what is it that stops a manager from managing this situation with greater sensitivity?    Talking to someone who is bereaved is a skill and not one that is necessarily included within an MBA course taken by the CEO, manager or departmental head.    Many executives and managers have never been afforded people management training yet, despite this, we expect them to know how to interact with someone who was recently bereaved. In reality, it is an inter-personal skill that needs to be learned.

Of course, if there is an in-house counselling service, then it could be helpful to steer the affected person towards bereavement counselling. However, it doesn’t detract from the responsibility of the manager or team leader to make time to listen and offer condolences.  There is no need to turn managers into  bereavement counsellors but it’s important to ensure they can be empathetic, when appropriate, to a colleague in need of some sensitivity.  This is something that will certainly be appreciated by the bereaved person.

People rarely forget those who support them during times of challenge.  It is commonly said that when trouble or sadness strikes, ‘you find out who your friends are’, and in many ways that is true.  But not always.  You may have other friends who sadly didn’t know what to say and didn’t know what to do and so were, regrettably, not there for you. This is, unfortunately, what you will remember.

So, what can your organisation do to avoid the problem of appearing to be uncaring at the very time that care is needed?  Ensure that all your managers are trained in people-management skills and make sure that includes those who may be going through a bereavement.  If this is made a part of the training programme, then any manager will feel confident in approaching the subject!

What Can a Manager Do?

Talk to the bereaved person after the funeral to find out what support they require. Some may want to come back to work quickly and others later. Some may want colleagues to talk to them about the bereavement and others might not.  Managers need to find out what is wanted
When the person does come back to work, check in with them at regular intervals
Remember, there will also be significant anniversaries
Some working schedules may need to be reassessed until the person feels stronger
Introduce and publish a bereavement policy, possibly on the company intranet, if there is one

Key Points

Try not to ignore a bereaved colleague

Let them know with a word or gesture that you care

Incorporate listening skills into management training

Read more:
The management at work of employee bereavement

Overthinking is to think about a problem too much or for too long.

You have something on your mind; you continuously think about it; the thought gets deeper, and you start worrying about circumstances, events and potential possibilities that then you could end up with conflicting thoughts racing through your head.   Unfortunately, to overthink is a natural part of life for many of us, even when we are not aware that we are doing it.

Of course, it is vital that we all think constructively.  Reflecting upon the past can be good for us – having the memories that we like to hold onto but equally as important is to let go of those more painful ones.  There is also nothing wrong with pondering on your current career and life goals, then planning how to achieve your aspirations.

A Case Study

Jenny is an unmarried, 35-year-old client of mine who owns two residential properties – one in central London and one in the suburbs but she cannot decide in which property to live. Consequently, she sits for hours and hours thinking about the decision whether to live in London and be isolated from her family and friends or to move nearer to them in the suburbs.  This thinking and rethinking has been going on now for over eight months.     Which property to live in, and which one to be rented out as an investment?   She is so stressed-out about this that she can think of nothing else, and it is now my job to help her to discipline her mindset to try to cease overthinking and to come to a firm decision.

Thinking back

Of course, there will be times when you will regret missed opportunities and bad decisions and we are all guilty of that at some time.  Or you may be worried about the future – your family, your income, your health, or your career choice.  However, you need to avoid a ‘thinking overload’ whereby information goes around and around in your head with no resultant resolution.  It is like revving the car engine without it being in gear – the vehicle remains stationary and just wastes valuable fuel.

When we overthink, it often means that our brain leads us to make erroneous assumptions, which in many cases can be negative.

How to stop overthinking

Breaking the cycle is not easy as, unlike our computer, there is no ‘off’ switch.  However, perhaps some of the following suggestions might be of help:

Career

Do you consistently overthink about your career? If you are unhappy with where you are or what you have done to date, then you need to become proactive and to start to explore other options. 

Relationships

If you think you might have upset someone or have done something embarrassing, then contact whoever was involved to determine whether you need to apologise.  It maybe that the incident was inconsequential and has long been forgotten by the other person, but it is still at the forefront of your mind – so now might be an opportune time to make a determined effort to stop thinking about it.  Or maybe the reason why a particular friend or colleague has not contacted you is because he, or she, is busy and not because they don’t like you.

Challenge your personal beliefs

Our beliefs can be either real or imagined and it is all too easy to exaggerate these to ourselves. Our inner voice may well be making incorrect negative assumptions and by challenging them, we can lessen such incessant overthinking.

Be patient

Breaking a cycle of overthinking does not happen overnight but, with practice, it is certainly possible.  The first step is to recognize that you have a mindset that often goes into a negative overthinking mode, automatically.

When you overthink about a problem, the chances are that you lose the focus on the bigger picture.  To overcome this, you may possibly need a therapist or other professional help – but it will be well worth it because it is important that your mind learns how to switch-off and focus on those issues that will take you forward and make a measurable difference to your life.

Key Points

We all need peace of mind to work efficiently

Breaking a cycle of overthinking is important

Overthinking can stop you from focusing on the bigger picture

Read more:
Do you overthink?

On 14^th February, I billion Valentine’s Day cards will be received worldwide. People usually manage their emotions quite well but there are certain days, or anniversaries, such as a birthday, or a wedding or the date that a family member died, that bring memories that make us reflective and sometimes a little sad.

When we are in a good place in our lives, these dates can be days of celebration, but for some of us, when days like Valentine’s day come, they can trigger the remembrance of loss or loneliness.

When people are emotional, they do not work as effectively as when they are stable, and in these situations, managers are often at a loss to know how to handle an employee in tears.

Should the manager have to manage tears?

Tears are one of those emotions that a manager will often ignore because they feel awkward and embarrassed.  Those of us outside the medical and caring professions are not really trained to manage highly emotional people.

The reasons for our apparent inability to communicate sympathy in times of loss, are more to do with our upbringing and culture, rather than with any innate reluctance to express ourselves.

So how do we manage emotions in the workplace?

We know that HR will keep a packet of Kleenex in their top drawer for such eventualities but does the manager need do the same, and would that be enough in any event?  Is it, in fact, part of their role to manage tears?

I would say, yes it is.  If an individual breaks down in tears, this is not the time to walk out of the room and telephone HR as if the employee had an infectious disease.  Such a situation can be properly managed but it may take some training.  So what are the things to do and the words to say, in such a scenario?

When faced with managing someone crying at work

Do not:

• Walk away from the person
• Leave the room
• Look out of the window as if the incident hadn’t taken place
• Interrupt the individual
• Say, ‘Big boys dont cry’ or ‘Pull yourself together’ or ’This isn’t going to help’!

Do :

• Keep calm / Allow for silences and don’t try to fill the space. Do say words like ‘It’s OK’; / There’s plenty of time’ / Is there some way I can help?
• Hand over a tissue if needed.
• Give the person the time and space to compose themselves and make sure it is in their time and not yours.
• Be cautious about being tactile. When I train people to manage such a situation, I usually caution against touching someone else as it may not be the appropriate action to take.

The person will probably feel extremely awkward and embarrassed, and it is your role to try to ensure that they feel that their temporary emotional state is justified and normal.

When an individual is emotional, the mind and the body is often slow to react to normal tasks and so time may be needed to help the person manage their normal workload.

Other team members may not know what to say and your support, and communication skills, at this time can prove invaluable to both the emotional person and his/ her colleagues.  The team may also feel awkward and embarrassed, and a short briefing session could be very helpful.

At the end of the day, emotions are normal, are part of the human condition and are by no means unusual. Sometimes we can hide what we feel, and at other times we can’t.

Exposing our emotions is sometimes dependent on our cultural upbringing and it has been proven over the years that those of us who continually repress our emotions instead of expressing them, can, over time, suffer mental and physical problems, as a result.

It’s a matter of letting it ‘hang-out’ when necessary.  Like putting a wet garment out to dry in the sun.  After a while, the creases disappear and it’s ready to wear again.

Key Learning Points

• Emotions are normal and part of the human condition
• Do not walk away from an emotional employee
• Anniversaries, both happy and sad, can be difficult

Read more:
Big boys don’t cry or do they?

I am a firm believer in the value of face-to-face communication but Covid has meant that we have had to make many changes.

Over the past few weeks, I have been impressed by a story of hope and support – that has resulted from an on-line relationship.

A tragic life change

Johan is a handsome, 24 year-old male client of mine who was a landscape gardener. He was referred to me by his doctor after a serious car accident that has left him unable to walk and only able to move about in a wheelchair. The challenges ahead of him are great. He has had to give up his work, which has always been the love of his life.

For some years, Johan has been an avid blogger on social media and now has thousands of followers. His blog has always provided a creative outlet for him after a day of being out in the open. He has also written about his accident: how it has changed his life and how he can never go back into his much-loved profession. But he has blogged about his experience in a positive way; how he has been determined to overcome his disability, knowing that there were others far worse off than he. Despite having frustrating days, Johan understands that he faces the same issues as others who have been permanently injured and this sense of shared identity has been crucial in promoting strong on-line relationships.

His many readers have developed a strong empathy with Johan and when his mother recently wanted to raise funds for an electric wheelchair, she made contact, via his blog, to his existing followers. Within days, not only was the money raised for the wheelchair but also offers of job opportunities also came.

He arrived at my consultancy room in tears of disbelief and joy. The depth of the relationship with his followers on social media made a great impression upon me.

The support that he has received not only has helped him to deal with his changed life, but it has done much more than that. He has developed a strong bond with hundreds of people who he didn’t even know just a few short months previously.

His story has resonated with me and made me think more about the relative importance of virtual relationships and social networks.

Leading virtually

So what is the relevance of this story for those leading virtual work-teams using remote facilities. Johan certainly shows us that it is possible to build strong relationships via electronic media without face-to-face contact. Relationships are critical to successful team functioning because they foster mutual support and cohesion within the group, both of which are essential for essential teamwork. Johan’s story provides us with the knowledge of the factors that can help create successful relationships through social media and electronic communication i.e. shared identity, positivity in communications and the maintenance of continuity in personal connections.

How do we translate this learning into industry when there is sometimes the necessity to manage maybe 100 people, or more, through efficient and effective inter-personal communication?

Virtual team leaders should:

• Ensure that all members feel they are an integral part of the team
• Regularly share details of company and departmental progress in a positive way
• Build team morale and productivity by praising team members, individually and with the knowledge of the rest of the team – for a job well done
• Always keep lines of communication short and where possible – go direct!

Individual identification with their group by all team members is strengthened by positive feedback and personal appreciation being shown for individual contribution to team success.

So what is my opinion on the question of being able to build competitive advantage within the team, even though members may be hundreds of miles apart? Very simply, I am converted! I think that Johan has shown us another perspective of how the modern workplace has changed and how it has become a wired world in which we can all be connected. This doesn’t detract from the fact that we all like to feel a part of a community. Whether that community is together in one building or scattered around the country – it is still possible to build effective teams.

Read more:
How to build virtual relationships when you can’t network face-to-face

‘I keep losing focus’, complains Noreen. ‘I wish I could concentrate better’, says George.  Do you hear yourself sometimes saying this?

There are so many things to think about that you just cannot seem to concentrate properly, anymore.

Concentration is the ability to focus upon one thing at a time.  This is not necessarily an easy skill to develop and retain as life, for all of us, whether we are working from home or in the workplace, has so many disruptions.

Multitasking

Some of us pride ourselves on being able to do more than one thing at a time but the chances are that instead of doing one task well, we manage to do several tasks not so well. The reason being that trying to do too much contemporaneously usually leads to poor performance or mediocre outcomes.

Distraction and Boredom

You cannot concentrate properly until you stop yourself from being distracted!  Now this might seem obvious, but we can fail to take the requisite action to either remove the distraction from us or to remove ourselves away from the distraction.

Being overwhelmed

You may have a mountain of paperwork to do in your home office or in the workplace which is piled high on your desk.  Every time you look at it, you feel overwhelmed.  Sound familiar?  You cannot bear to face it and so you look for any excuse to be distracted so that you don’t have to address the problem. However, the longer you leave it the higher it becomes!

Social Media

Do you spend time on your Facebook or Twitter account when you should be using your mental energy to address a work problem? Admittedly, it may be more enjoyable because it doesn’t require effort. But you are not paid by your employer to chat with your friends online – that’s just a distraction.   So, if you want to play an active part in being sociable online, then schedule a time – your own time – to do so.  Don’t get caught up with ‘chat’.

Your mobile phone

If you jump every time your mobile phone rings, the chances are that you are addicted to it.  I was having a zoom call with a client the other day and we were having an in-depth conversation.  The phone rang and I had expected him to stop talking to me to take the phone call.  Imagine my surprise, when he said that the call could wait until we had finished our conversation.  He explained that he had trained himself to listen to his messages only at set times during the day so that it wouldn’t break his concentration.  ‘Good discipline!’ I thought!  I wonder how many of us do this ourselves.

Worries

There are many things that can worry you and get in the way of your concentration. And often financial or relationship problems can also affect your sleep. Sleep deprivation occurs when the lack of restful sleep is severe enough to compromise basic body functions and this can certainly bring about a lack of ability to focus upon necessary issues the following day.  Everyone needs adequate sleep.

There can be nothing more important than the ability to concentrate – particularly when driving and we hear of many sad cases when individuals decide to risk accidents when driving by looking at their satnav or talking on the phone – and it is at times like these when accidents can occur because of lack of vital concentration.

8 Easy Ways to Help You Concentrate

1. Make a note of every time that your mind wanders. Add a timeline and describe what you were doing when it happened.  See if a pattern emerges.
2. Make sure you exercise regularly during the day to help improve the flow of oxygenated blood to the brain.
3. Give your mind a quick break every 30 minutes or so. Have power naps to improve your concentration!
4. Every 20 mins, look away from your monitor or laptop and give yourself eye breaks. Try the 20-20-20 rule.  Every 20 minutes, look at something 20 feet away and for at least 20 seconds.
5. Practice doing one thing at a time. Sit back and feel the sense of satisfaction after completing one specific task, properly and within schedule. The feel of euphoria will last for a long time after and carry you forward to your next task.
6. Anticipate distractions and discipline yourself not to get caught up with them. If you are working from home, beware of the friendly neighbour who wants a chat.  Or if you are in the workplace, think of a way to keep a chatty colleague away when you are trying to concentrate.
7. Your bed is where you sleep, and your desk is where you work. Make sure you have a very rigid demarcation line.
8. Turn off your notifications and alerts on your phone! Not an easy one but certainly can be done.

Key Points

Do one task at a time – efficiently

Avoid distractions that kill concentration

To be productive, we need to focus

Read more:
The impact of losing concentration

While a smartphone, or tablet can be a hugely productive tool, compulsive use of these devices can interfere with work, school, and relationships.

After all, it’s rarely the phone or tablet itself that creates the compulsion, but rather the games, apps, and online worlds it connects us to.

Do you recognise yourself here:

1. You feel anxious when the phone battery gets low
2. You can’t leave the house without your smartphone
3. You feel annoyed when you can’t access your phone
4. You put your life or others at risk to check your smartphone
5. You use your phone to check for work updates while on holiday
6. Find yourself waking up at 3 am to check your email or Facebook account?
7. Your phone addiction is having a negative effect on your relationship?
8. You make sure you can see your phone whenever it is in your hand or pocket
9. Check your phone several times an hour to make sure you haven’t missed a notification
10. Use your phone when bored

If you can answer ‘yes’ to most of these questions, then you are probably experiencing Nomophobia [NO MObile Phone PhoBIA] This is a term used to describe a psychological condition when people have a fear of being detached from mobile phone connectivity and is now in the Cambridge dictionary and is also sometimes called cell phone addiction.

The symptoms are often associated with separation anxiety, low self-esteem, increased heart rate and blood pressure, social anxiety disorder, panic attacks, fear and panic.

The History

Just think how much technology we have now compared to 50 years ago when transistor radios were all the rage and you might listen to yours under the bedclothes. There was no TV in the bedroom, no iPad and most of all, there were  no mobile phone. we went to bed to sleep.

In 2021, many of us are checking emails and making calls on our mobiles before we are even out of bed or checking on the children!

Our phone goes everywhere with us. It sits in the bathroom as we clean our teeth and is never out of sight. We read the paper on our phone and we do our banking with a flash of the screen. We speak to friends on Instagram and Facebook, tweet on Twitter, chat on WhatsApp. We even wake in the night to take that transatlantic business call. BUT are we really more productive?

Technology has given us a new exciting life and it enables us to absorb so much more but what is it doing to our health and relationships? Are we really more effective at work or home when we are on call 24/7? I wonder.

Technostress and Gadget Dependence

Technology is impacting on our mental health, family life is suffering and are we really so efficient at work when we have to take time to share our thoughts with the world. We have become more angry and anxious and yes even depressed as we struggle to manage our technology which as we all know when it goes wrong or gets lost causes no end of stress. We live our lives on our phones, iPads and laptops but are we more efficient?

Do stress and technology go hand in hand?

We get irritated when we don’t get an immediate response to a text or email. We get frustrated when the WiFi signal fails in the middle of a conference call and when your child drops your phone and cracks the screen – it can all be too much to bear.

The weekend is  friends and family time  and where once silver graced the dining table now it is flashy technology sitting there waiting to interrupt and disrupt a pleasant evening.

So how do we manage this avalanche of gadgets designed to make our lives easier but instead extend the working day without extra pay. How do we avoid technology burnout?

It is time to take control of technology and put firmly back in its place. It is an accessory to help you do your job and run your life not a crutch.

Your mobile phone can be a life saver or a life destroyer use it with care.

Keeping your phone close by at all times is important but there is no real need to take it to bed with you. Charge it in a separate room. Not only is this safer but you will not be woken by messages from the other side of the world and different time zones.

Finally your phone is a tool and it enables you rapid communication – respect it for that and do not abuse it.

How to Beat Your Mobile Phone Addiction

1. Keep yourself on a schedule. Carve out specific time to use your phone.  If you have business calls to make, then make them at the same time – you will be more efficient
2. Don’t answer the phone just because it rings – voicemail works very efficiently
3. Turn off your push notifications so you don’t feel overwhelmed. You don’t need a ping or whoosh to tell you that there is an email waiting for you
4. Take distracting apps off your home screen
5. Limit your children’ screen to an acceptable level
6. Don’t play with your children at the same time as having your phone in your hand
7. Buy an alarm clock and make the bedroom a phone-free zone
8. Physically turn off your phone and other electronical at night and leave it in another room
9. Put the phone away while eating and socialising with friends.
10. Don’t try and multi-task with your phone with your phone, ipad or computer.

The internet can enrich our lives in many ways and we are fortunate to live in an era when we are able to reach out to the other side of the world in an instant.

The omnipresence of this technology addiction is having an impact on our lives and it can only increase as technology increases even more.

Many people consider their tech as an extension of themselves – the so-called extended self and it would be good to learn to manage time during the day without the addiction trigger in our pockets.

Rome wasn’t built in a day so if you recognise yourself in this article, then put some of the tips into practice one day at a time!

Good luck and see you at the other end of a conversation without a phone!

Read more:
HANDS UP – Are you addicted to your mobile phone?

Video chat has always existed.  But right now, we’re relying on it more than ever. We do our work there. We speak to family there.  We see our friends there.

But do you ever notice how exhausted you feel when you get off video chat? Is putting up with screen freezes, accidental microphone incidents, and strange background noises that tiring?

How does it differ from face-to-face communication?

It is thought that using video calling apps requires much more focus than face-to-face conversations. Our brains must work harder to process non-verbal behaviour such as facial expressions, body language and voice intonation. This consumes more of our energy. Partnered with the fact that although mentally and emotionally we are engaging with others, our bodies are not, and our minds can’t trick out bodies into feeling this way. This creates conflicting feelings which can be exhausting for us to experience.

The technology behind it also comes into play. For example, silences in face-to-face contact provide a natural flow for organic conversation. However when this happens over online conversations, we worry that there might be issues with the technology. To avoid talking over the top of somebody, we often wait longer once they’ve fallen quiet, before we begin to speak which also creates lengthy, sometimes uncomfortable pauses.

Finally, there’s the visual element. Although we are physically present in natural conversations, when we’re on camera, we’re very aware of having an audience- even if it is only one person. You know that everybody’s looking at you.  Many people feel as if they are performing which creates an even more anxious and stressful experience. I’ve had video chats with people who say they struggle not to look at their own face when they see it on the screen. Most of us will definitely become more aware of our behaviour.

Has the pandemic affected this?

The short answer is yes. Of course, the use of video calling apps bring more stressors than face-to-face conversations, however if you’re feeling exhausted after them, there are probably other factors at play.

Many people may be experiencing stress and anxiety as a result of the lockdown. Video calls can become a constant reminder of your life pre-pandemic. Of course, there is much sadness and upset in the news right now, but that shouldn’t undermine the things you’ve lost that were important to you. Simple things like seeing your colleague come into work or having a chat in the break room. Each time you come into contact with that person on Skype or Zoom, it’s a reminder of what things were like before. This can cause distress for many as we’re again, forced to face the disruption that has affected our daily lives.

It’s also important to consider that due to the pandemic, every aspect of our lives takes place in the same space. Work, friends, family. Our old lives were filled with variety. A variety of people and a variety of places. Our days now are almost identical. We might struggle to switch off from work and fully engage with our family and friends when they call, leaving us vulnerable to negative emotions.  We’re confined to one space with only a computer screen available for interaction.  There’s also the fact that our downtime might suffer as a result of work and family commitments as well as the time spent worrying over our health and our economy.  This can be another factor adding to our exhaustion.

But what about fun video calls?

I know many people are interacting with groups of friends and family members through virtual dinners, catch-ups or birthday parties. These are events that should cause a lot of joy. But we’re still feeling tired. This might be to do with the feelings of obligation. Even if it’s something you want to do, and you enjoy at the time, the likelihood is that you’ve had to schedule it ahead of time and planned for whatever activity is taking place.

This increases the amount of time you feel switched on, increasing feelings of fatigue. It’s important then to engage in video calls where you feel you can completely be yourself. You don’t have to put an act on, or ‘perform’ as it is. The experience will feel more natural and joyful.

You should also be aware of the fact that the tools we are using for video chats are ones that we’ve come to associate with work. You’ve probably never relied on Skype and Zoom in your personal life. You might not even be conscious of this, but the likelihood is that your brain has developed a connection between these tools and work which might explain why you feel tired even logging in.

How do I fix the problem?

• Limit video calls to those that are necessary. Only use the camera if you feel comfortable to do so. Eliminating an audience can cause people to feel more relaxed. There should be an understanding with the group that cameras do not always have to be on if they don’t need to be.
• If your camera is on, try adjusting the camera angle so that your screen is off to your side. This can create the feeling of an adjoining room as opposed to staring at someone straight on which can be quite unnatural in a working environment.
• Consider using other tools that might be more efficient for work such as shared files in Google Drive. Documents can be edited, viewed and commented on by others in the group, and can avoid information overload.
• Dedicate time to small talk. Now that we’re doing business on screens, many of us get straight into the meeting. You should make time at the start of meetings to engage in chit chat with your colleagues and have general catchups that aren’t always centred around work. This can help to feel reconnected as a team again and reduce fatigue.
• Include transition periods between meetings. These can help employees to feel refreshed. Encourage exercise or going off to have a drink. Even stepping outside for some fresh air. It’s vital to set boundaries and create buffers between our professional identities and our personal ones.
• If we’re talking about personal video calls, maybe consider using an alternate method. It would be difficult to substitute large group chats, but in the case of a one-on-one conversation, try writing a letter which allows you to be completely away from your screen. Writing is thought to make us feel more relaxed when it involves the physical act of putting pen to paper. It’s also a very touching thing to receive as you appreciate the time and care it takes to do it.

Although lockdown might be easing off, we are still not able to meet up with loved ones and probably won’t be for the near future. Our reliance on apps such as Skype and Zoom will continue so I hope these tips are useful for staying connected with friends, colleagues and relatives throughout this difficult time.

I am still offering walk-and-talk sessions which can take place over the phone or via Skype or Zoom. Our conversation will allow you to talk through the challenges you’re facing professionally and personally. I am here to listen to what you’re going through and provide confidential help and support.

Continue to look after yourselves and to look after those around you.

Read more:
Ever feel tired on video chat? Here’s why

In attempts to keep to the government’s advice, many companies are turning towards remote working in order to delay the spreading of COVID-19 whilst allowing employees to keep up to date with their tasks.

How many times have you said to yourself ‘gosh, I’d love to work from home’? You fantasise about working from your bed – still in your pyjamas perhaps – and swapping your commute for a longer lie in. But is remote working all it’s cracked up to be?

Well, it can be difficult to focus as you’re surrounded by more distractions without a manager watching your every move. Plus, many remote workers will often tell you about how much they miss the social interaction within an office environment. It can become easy to feel down and isolated when there’s no one around to socialise with.

The pros and cons of remote working

–        No commute. You can literally wake up and get straight to work- eliminating the amount of time you waste travelling into work and the costs associated with that.

–        Costs. For the employer costs will be saved on renting office space, electricity, air-conditioning, heating and equipment.

–        Flexibility. Remote working means that employees can set their own hours and breaks, whenever they need to, provided all the required work is completed. In general, staff are happier in being more able to control their work-life balance.

Disadvantages

–        Lack of face-to-face contact. Those who enjoy social interaction with their co-workers will lose this aspect. No coffee machine chats and interactive conversation time when walking down the corridor.

–        Long hours. We can be contactable 24 hours per day and if we don’t have the self-discipline NOT to look at our emails every minute, then we are continually on ‘duty’. And even if you do have this discipline, it could be that your boss requires to contact you at any hour, so there can be a challenge here.

–        Distractions. You may have to deal with friends who drop in for a chat, house repairs, children or domestic items that need to be attended to, so one has to be very disciplined.

Now that you know the downside to working from home, let’s discuss ways that we can minimise this and guarantee the best results…

Create a workspace

Many people’s first thought when they start working from home is that they can get all of their work done from the comfort of their bed. I would never encourage people to work from the same place they sleep, but even working within your bedroom may be a bad idea. But if that is the only space you have, then put a screen behind you so that it encloses your office area and it also looks better if you are carrying out a virtual conference call.

You need a dedicated space to work so that you know when you’re there, you’re there to work, and when you leave, you’re off the clock. Don’t let the places where you spend your downtime crossover with where you complete your work. Creating strict boundaries will help your brain to get into ‘work-mode’ and function more effectively.

Make sure you can be free from distractions and that you can make yourself comfortable. Think of this as a permanent situation. Set out a proper procedure that you think you could stick to if you were to work from home long-term.

Find someone in the same boat as you

Although you might find yourself with extra time on hand now that you’re no longer surrounded by chatty co-workers, the psychological effects of remote working are often overlooked. Working from home for long periods of time cuts you off from social interaction which is essential for our mental health and wellbeing.

Humans are very social creatures and it’s something we are used to including in our every day lives. For all of this to suddenly go away can force us into feelings of loneliness, anxiety and/or sadness and it is at times like these when you may like to speak to someone outside of your friends and family.

Look to fill this social gap with a buddy / colleague who you know you can get in touch with whenever you need a chat. Or maybe you have other friends who are also working from home due to COVID-19. Hop on a video call when you fancy seeing a friendly face. Even texting can be beneficial.

Implement structure

You should aim to have an even more structured daily routine than when you head out to work in an office. Although many of us believe that we don’t like structure and routine, a lot of us fall apart without it. It can become difficult to get the simplest of tasks done when you think you have all the time in the world.

And if you think about it, usually most of our day is influenced by other people. You go for lunch when you’re told to. You might go to the gym because you go with a friend. You have dinner when the rest of your family eat. Suddenly, you are the one in control of your own time, so you need to be strict and set deadlines.

It’s important to set out the times that you will actively be working. The upside is that you can do this in the time of day you know you’re most productive so this might be early morning or maybe late in the evening. Plan your breaks in advance and plan how you will spend your break time – whether you take your dog for a walk or you read the newspaper.

Communication is key

It can be tempting to rely on email whilst remote working. However, relying on email alone can increase feelings of isolation and loneliness due to the lack of actual contact whether that’s seeing someone’s face or hearing a voice.

Don’t be afraid to increase communication within your team using apps or video conferring. Screen-sharing is also effective at keeping everyone on the same page and working together. Even having a video call with a colleague whilst you eat your lunch can give you that same sense of belonging to a team and staying connected. Better communication whilst working from home helps to maintain relationships with colleagues and managers.

During this time away from the office, you might feel the need to speak with somebody who can allow you to talk through some of the struggles you’re currently facing. It is better to do this sooner rather than later so that steps can be taken to help you overcome your challenges. I encourage my readers to get in touch with me if you would like to have  a chat or just need someone to listen to you.

With the increase in employees needing to work from home, it is vital that communication is maintained and that managers do everything they can to help support the wellbeing of their employees and help them navigate these unchartered waters.

Read more:
A guide to remote working

Many people at work suffer with stress, depression and anxiety. In fact, sometimes these mental health problems are triggered by work alone.

Quite often, this can leave you feeling as if you don’t have the skills you need to accomplish what you set out to do. This is usually because stress, anxiety and depression can cause you to worry, and even fear typical daily tasks.

Some tasks at work that many people admit to worrying about include…

• Taking meetings
• Achieving deadlines
• Building relationships with your co-workers
• Getting on with your manager
• Maintaining quality work

Here is how you can learn to conquer some of your stress and anxieties at work, and turn them into accomplishments…

1. Make a numbered list of tasks you need to accomplish that day, ordered from most important to least important. Tackle this list in small chunks – one task at a time.
2. Focus on building positive and transparent relationships with your supervisor and other co-workers. It means that you have people you can trust and rely on, and who you feel comfortable enough to ask for help when you need it, rather than suffer in silence.
3. Get into the habit of communicating in person as much as possible. The more you do something, the easier it becomes. Also, a lot can be misinterpreted or misunderstood over phone calls and emails which does not help you progress.
4. Avoid office politics. This can be difficult when it feels as if it’s surrounding you everywhere you look. However, drama only tends to increase anxiety, giving you one more thing to worry about.
5. Be realistic with your workload. It is very common now to say ‘yes’ to every project and every favour your boss asks of you. Over-committing to tasks and biting off more than you can chew will surely see you failing to stick to deadlines.
6. Progress reports. These don’t have to be official, it can simply be a weekly conversation. It is good to keep people in the loop throughout the progress and delivery of a project. That way, if you encounter difficulties, people are on hand to help you out as they have the knowledge to assist or advise.
7. Find a sense of peace at work. I wrote a post last week about sensory experience which has proven effective in easing stress. For some, sound is most effective so listening to music at work can help. If taste helps you, it could be chewing gum, or for sight, it could help to work by a window or carry a photograph that calms your mind.
8. Talk to someone about your worries. It’s an old saying but ‘a problem shared is a problem half-solved’ still rings very true. Sometimes you’ll find that others feel the same way. Nearly all the time, you’ll feel so much better getting something off your chest, knowing you don’t have to struggle with it alone.

Depression at Work

Now, depression at work is a separate issue – whether this is personal or career-focused. Depression can cause you to feel unworthy, unmotivated and as if you can’t accomplish the things you want to. The best way to tackle depression is creating a lifestyle that helps you cope with it. It’s about focusing on how you want to feel, rather than how you feel right now.

The American Psychiatric Association lists these symptoms of depression, which any or all can be an indicator that you’re experiencing depression.

• You’ve lost interest in activities you once enjoyed
• Your appetite has changed
• You have trouble sleeping
• You find it difficult to focus
• You lack energy
• You think about death and/or suicide

If you feel depressed at work, it can become such a struggle to keep performance levels high and to maintain healthy relationships with your supervisor and co-workers, which can make you feel even worse.

Yet, this is a place that you have to come to five days to a week, so it’s important to know how you can tackle this on a daily basis…

1. Find out what your company can offer you. Many organisations offer free counselling to their employees. If you bring this up with the HR department, they should be able to direct you to the person or place that will best be of help and that is why we offer a nationwide employee counselling service which provides workplace stress and trauma support services to industry.
2. Make your workspace more personal. Most people who struggle with depression, anxiety or stress, don’t feel as bad when they’re in the comfort of their own home. Being in the workplace itself can cause feelings of dread for people, before they’ve even begun tackling deadlines and presentations. Bring photographs in to stand on your desk, hang artwork or arrange plants. Something so little can be a huge comfort.
3. Take breaks often enough. Exposure to daylight, even in the winter months, is thought to lift our mood. Take yourself for a walk outside. A brisk walk might even result in the release of endorphins – natural mood-boosting pain-killers!
4. Incorporate exercise into your daily routine. When you feel depressed, the last thing you want to do is work out. However, exercise is good for the mind, heart and soul. It can also be extra beneficial if you recruit a workout buddy from the workplace. This is great for accountability and can help you combat feelings of sadness.
5. Make more use of your lunch break. Whether this is the time you’ll fit in your work out or a walk, or perhaps you’ll take some coworkers out for lunch, You can try new restaurants or coffee shops, and the company will help to take your mind off feeling sad.
6. When things start to feel worse, it can be extremely beneficial to leave work early or to book a few days off to relax, rest and rejuvenate. You can come back after a much needed break, perhaps even feeling more productive and motivated.

By using the tips above, you can help to manage your stress, anxiety and depression at work, and to turn that negative energy into accomplishments.

As workplaces are beginning to witness for themselves the success of wellbeing initiatives, and with the stigma around mental health slowly being reduced, Mental Health First Aiders modular training is becoming a popular choice. There is on-going modular training offered, covering issues such as workplace bullying, stress, change and resilience. Feel free to get in touch if you have any questions about this training.

The tips in this article won’t completely solve your problems, but they will lessen the impact on your personal and professional life

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Turn your work stress into accomplishments

A robust wellbeing programme is really more than just a solution to improved performance and reduced rates of absenteeism.

It is a proactive way to attract and retain top talent, helps employees to work better together, and keeps employees healthier and happier at work.

Almost all managers see a direct correlation between workplace wellbeing and performance. However, the CIPD’s 2019 Health and wellbeing at work report, shows that only a third of private sector employers have a wellbeing strategy.

It does not need to be costly and over-complicated, but it should be based on thorough research to get the RIGHT wellbeing programme for your employees and your organisation.

Here are four ways to implement your wellbeing programme easily.

CHOOSE YOUR GOALS

What is the end goal? And, how will you measure it to know it has been achieved? Most organisations implement a few activity days and think that’s all there is to it, so committing to measurement already puts you ahead of most. You can do this through employee engagement, absenteeism or self-reported performance. Ask behavioural questions that will generate actionable data for example ‘to what extent do you enjoy your work?’

BE REALISTIC

Before beginning any changes, it’s important to know where you are RIGHT NOW. It helps you chart the impact of wellbeing and prove that it’s worth continuing. Dedicate time to audit what you already offer. Ask your employees for their opinions and accept what they have to say. Then, you can identify areas that need the most improvement which will deliver the greatest impact and have the highest value.

DO YOUR RESEARCH

Find out what people might want. Simply ask for opinions around the workplace. Find out what your competitors offer and consider whether you could realistically offer the same or maybe even better. Some options are group fitness sessions, nutrition classes, Boardroom briefings, workshops, counselling services. It is a good idea to appoint a dedicated wellbeing team to be responsible for your strategy and measurement. The strategy should be varied and last all year long including regular sessions and one-off activities.

A LONG-TERM INVESTMENT

You should invest in your wellbeing programme in a sustainable way. This isn’t simply about holding a one-off session and deciding that it has done the job. Wellbeing needs to be front and centre all year round, for many years to come. There is no harm in starting off with small steps, but ultimately you are aiming for long-term improvement that can only be brought about through the process of research, feedback, trial and review.

Any wellbeing programme needs to start from the top and cascade throughout the organisation. Employees need to see that the senior team are on board with any wellbeing initiative that is rolled out. It is vital that those in managerial positions have the people management skills to recognise the wellbeing needs of their employees.

Wellbeing programmes are becoming increasingly popular as managers are witnessing for themselves the proven benefits of implementing them.

So, join those today who are already reaping the rewards!

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4 easy ways to implement a wellbeing programme

How many times have you heard ‘New Year, New You’?

The New Year is often a time for reflection- what went well? What went wrong? What have you learned? And perhaps most importantly, where do you go now?

You probably listen to your family or friends or colleagues back at work discussing their decisions to do better next year. Whether that’s losing weight, taking up a new hobby, travelling more or saving money.

But I urge people to indeed use this time for self-reflection and use it to set proper, measurable and achievable goals, not to make desperate resolutions on a whim just because it’s the time of year that everyone does.

You’re more likely to achieve goals than stick to resolutions because we see them as long-term commitments, and they’re a reflection of our actual desires and ambitions. They dive deeper than a resolution, so we tend to take a more practical and realistic approach to achieving them.

Your goals should be specific – nothing general like losing weight. Instead, ask yourself how much weight do you want to lose? And when do you see yourself achieving your ideal weight? It’s important to be realistic and give yourself enough time to achieve it. Making SMART goals (specific, measurable, attainable, relevant and time-sensitive) gives you the tools to succeed in all of your goal-setting endeavours.

Tips to Setting SMART Goals

Write your goals down. This helps you to visualise them. How will they look when you have achieved what you’re setting out to achieve? How will they feel? This will also work as a motivator to keep going when things get more difficult, or your life ultimately gets busier. It will remind you that this was once very important for you to achieve. It also demonstrates a commitment in hard copy. How many times have you said something to yourself like ‘I’ll go to the gym tonight’ or ‘I’m going to join my local theatre group next week’ and you don’t do it. Well, you don’t have to. No one else is going to push you to do it, and most of us are notorious for going back on what we’ve said, especially if no one has been around to hear us and hold us accountable.

Stop comparing yourself. Isn’t it easy to look at your friends or even people you went to school with long ago and think about how much more successful they are than you with a better job, a bigger salary, a family, a spouse? It is practically unavoidable too with social media giving us instant, constant updates and multiplying the number of people we’re exposed to. Feeling envious or bitter or down about your own progress is a complete waste of energy and time that you could be putting into your self-improvement. It is vital to remember that whilst we might all have similar goals, we all have different journeys, and that is the beauty of life. Wouldn’t it be boring if we all experienced everything at the exact same time? Life is unexpected and unpredictable, and just because you might accomplish something later in life, it does not make you a failure.

On the subject of failure, it is important to embrace the likelihood of failing. Failure is often necessary for success as we learn and grow as a result of it, improving ourselves each time. Failing at your goals might cause you to readjust them or to gain an insight or idea you might never have had before. Failure also makes us more resilient which is a key skill that is relied upon to bounce back and prosper in the wake of defeat.

Enjoy it. Although we make goals because we want to alter a part of our lives, it doesn’t mean that you should despise where you are right now. Celebrate every part of your journey – from deciding to make that goal in the first place, all the small victories along the way, and eventually achieving it. It does you no good to force yourself into doing something when you’re doing it for the wrong reasons.

To keep things enjoyable, remember that whatever your goals are, they are only aspects of your life. Never put your whole life on hold as you try to pursue something huge in a small period of time. Continue to live your life the way you want to but dedicate a proportion of your resources towards achieving your goals. And remember to take each day as it comes. Celebrate the small steps you’re making to success- whether your jeans fit a bit looser each day or you manage to save 10% of what you’re aiming for. It’s all part of achieving the big one at the end.

If you think you could benefit from some help in clarifying your goals and how to go about achieving them, my Talk to Carole sessions may well be helpful to you. These are online 30-minute confidential coaching sessions where you will receive an objective viewpoint and another perspective.

Happy New Year and good luck with your goals!

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New Year: Setting Goals, NOT Resolutions

Not what you were expecting? Not, how should I be managing my team effectively? Or, what are the essential skills to strong leadership?

Maybe, how can I be more successful? Well, all the questions above begin with that first question. As a CEO, you are the heart of your organisation. The brains behind the business and the soul within the culture. Everything comes down to you.

This might seem overwhelming but it’s actually very simple. If someone asks that very question to me, ‘who are you?’, I’d probably tell them that I’m female, I’m young-ish, I live in the UK, I’m a writer. But these are just facts. The question ‘who are you?’ refers to your character. Your ideals. Your principles. Your morals, and your traits.

There are a series of steps you can take to find the answer.

Step 1: What is your character?

Before you do anything else, you need a strong foundation. Think of the people you look up to. Perhaps, somebody you aspire to be like. These people are admired because of their characters. The way they present themselves and the principles they follow. This will enable you to develop a sense of integrity, so you will never again have to ask the question ‘who am I?’.

Step 2: Are you Trustworthy?

Building a business successfully is a bit like the start of a friendship. Your character and your actions are make or break. You need to show people they can trust you. We know that people are more likely to make a purchase after hearing about it from someone they trust. People need to believe in you in order to believe what you are putting out into the world.

Step 3: Do you create culture?

Think of your employees as dinner guests. You would top off their drinks, serve them with your finest culinary skills and consistently ask whether they require anything else. The same should be done for your employees. You should aim to create a thriving and healthy workplace culture, allowing your team to feel nurtured to best help them flourish. This will boost morale and motivation, leading to more success for the company.

Step 4: Are you a good listener?

Usually you talk-the-talk before you walk-the-walk, however many CEO’s seem to get this the wrong way around. They’re so busy doing all the time that they forget to communicate. Not every employee would describe their CEO as empathetic. However, regular and honest communication is valued by employees as it helps them understand how to be more effective in their own roles. Most HR leaders agree that ongoing peer feedback and check-ins are key for successful outcomes.

Step 5: Do you accept responsibility?

You must take responsibility for the company, acting in the best interests of it, rather than doing what might seem easy. You have to take ownership of the business because every team needs a leader. You must define your leadership and create a template for others to follow by example.

Step 6: Can you adapt?

This day and age demands flexibility. It is an inevitable aspect of business now. Circumstances can be altered in an instant and change can appear out of the blue. You and your team need to become resilient to stand up to change and be adaptable to survive it. You must learn to swim at the pace of today’s business world and stand strongly against the waves to avoid being left behind. It can be quite lonely at the top but my coachingprogrammes can provide you with the latest tools to retain your competitive edge during times of uncertainty and change.

Step 7: Where is your heart?

A customer or client uses your business or services because they trust it. Your employees go the extra mile because they believe in you and are driven to succeed for the company. Creating these feelings in people and fostering these relationships requires integrity, empathy, and honesty. Your actions must come from good intentions which come from a heart in the right place.

So, there you go. In order to move onto thinking about strategy, plans and procedures, you need to start at the bottom and work your way up. This will be the foundation of your leadership, the base for the connections you forge and therefore the pinnacle for a successful company.

Need to learn how to improve your communication skills?

We can help. Why not join me for a complimentary 30-minute consultation where I can show you practical tools and skills that you can implement instantly to overcome the challenges you are facing. Let’s chat.

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The FIRST question CEO’s should ask themselves… Who am I?

As last week was Mental Health Awareness Week, I thought I would help people to understand how they can manage their mental health in the workplace.

Those suffering with mental illnesses will tell you that there is no typical day. Anxiety isn’t always triggered by the same events, depression can hit hard on different days and last for varying durations, and sometimes mental illnesses can manifest themselves in the loudest, most emotionally-charged way, and other times it’s quiet and slow.

It can be a blessing and a curse that mental illnesses, unlike physical ones, aren’t always visible to those around you. A blessing, because if you’d prefer to keep it to yourself, undisclosed – you can. However, mental illnesses can make it difficult to do your job effectively, where your colleagues or employer might just see a poor performance.

Use these tips to help keep your mind healthy and happy at work…

Find flexibility

Employers are becoming more aware of the importance of employee mental health, but if you don’t feel as if you can speak to your boss, try asking for a more flexible work schedule which will suit you. For some, the rigid routine and stable structure of the 9-5 can be a comfort. For others, work-from-home days, flexible hours or a more accommodating work environment might help. If you don’t feel comfortable speaking with a manager, it can help to speak with a complete stranger. Our online pay-as-you-go consultations can provide a confidential sounding board to discuss your struggles and challenges. We also provide a nationwide employee counselling service which can offer you instant support when you need it.

Match your work to your mood

Many people who struggle with their mental health, will often experience ‘down’ days and then days that aren’t so bad, whilst most jobs will include creative, careful tasks balanced against more tedious and mind-numbing jobs. Try to get the mentally demanding work done on days when you’re feeling your best, and save the repetitive, less-stimulating tasks for when you’re having a ‘down’ day.

Take control of your personal life

Unfortunately, we won’t all receive accommodation and help within our working lives, especially if you choose not to talk with your manager about your mental health challenges. However, you can control your home life, the way you spend your time outside work and your personal relationships. Take care of your hygiene and maintain some sort of exercise regime as neglecting self-care can simply make you feel worse. Give yourself ‘me time’ when you need it and let yourself feel whatever you might be feeling.

Stop comparing yourself

I often talk about the switched on, 24/7 lifestyle many of us now lead. Dealing with the pressure to reply to emails at the weekend or spend extra time at the office because that’s what people do in these big corporate organisations. If you feel better taking small breaks more regularly as opposed to working in big blocks, then do it. As long as you’re getting your work completed, how you arrive at that destination shouldn’t matter.

A Note For Employers

‘Even if they looked at it from a coldly transactional cost-benefit viewpoint, every employer should want to reduce staff sickness and improve people’s productivity at work.’

– Martin Edwards, Chief Executive of Julia’s House which runs children’s hospices

Whilst mental illness has become less taboo than it once was, it is still not universally accepted. This year The Guardian reported that 300,000 people with long-term mental health problems in the UK lose their jobs every year.

The best way to eliminate the stigma surrounding mental health in industry, is to encourage companies to start talking about it. One of the first things Martin Edwards did as Chief Executive was recommend to trustees that they fund an employee assistance programme – a confidential counselling and specialist information helpline for staff and their immediate families. Many other companies are seeking external help in order to provide effective employee assistance programmes. Some managers and HR departments are being trained to identify the symptoms of employees who are suffering, and know how to offer support. It is also important to encourage employees to receive training such as arranging Senior Masterclasses, Resilience Workshops or Wellbeing Programmes.

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Managing mental illness at work

Although it might not seem like it, small talk is a skill. Like any skill, it needs to be practised to get right and the more you do it, the better you become.

Let’s admit it- most of us hate small talk. It seems meaningless, superficial and a complete waste of our precious time. It can also be excruciating to know which topics to discuss and how long to dedicate to them. In fact, some people hate small talk so much that two behavioural scientists hosted a dinner party where small talk was completely banned. The article published in Wired said that the removal of small talk made all guests feel happier.

Unfortunately, we can’t all successfully ban small talk from our lives. If we did, we’d never make new friends, we’d never get our bosses to like us, and we’d never survive another date again. For that reason, it’s better to prepare yourself and feel confident engaging in small talk with anyone and everyone.

Have Faith In Yourself

Most of us dread small talk because we think we’ll say something stupid, offensive or be viewed as a social disaster. For that reason, it’s better to stay schtum, right? Wrong. A 2018 study published in Psychological Science showed that people consistently underestimate how much their conversation partners enjoyed their company. Remember that you blame yourself when you have a wish-the-ground-would-swallow-you-up encounter, and so do they! They’re not thinking that you’re a complete and utter failure at conversation- they’re thinking that they are. So, have faith in your abilities and be confident that despite what you might think, some people actually will- and do- enjoy your company!

Destroy The Cycle

You can’t escape the mind-numbing experience of ‘How are you?’ ‘Good thanks, how are you?’- so make it better. The key here is not to simply reply with ‘how’ you are but ‘why’ you are. For example…

‘Hi, how are you?’

‘I’m really good. I went for a lovely run this morning before work. Do you ever run?’

Tell them why you feel a certain way and accompany this with a relevant follow-up question. This could end in…

Option A: ‘Yes, I love to run. How far do you usually go?’= you’ve got yourself a running buddy or at the very least, a go-to conversation topic with this colleague.

Option B: ‘When I’m catching a train’= a joke to help build a rapport

Make It About Them

Some of us avoid making small talk because we’re not always comfortable talking about our personal lives- especially with colleagues at work. Well, you’re in luck. Most people are good at talking, and they enjoy it. Think about when you’re engaged in a conversation and you need to get away to pick up your daughter, or to catch the bus, or get home in time for dinner.

It can be so hard to get the other person to stop speaking. Put them in the spotlight by asking open-ended questions. Showing enthusiasm for their responses will extend the communicative exchange and they’ll appreciate you listening to them. If you would like to learn how to improve your relationships through active listening, then take a look at one of our training programmes which will provide the tools and strategies to help improve your conversation skills.

Talk About What You Care About

As I mentioned earlier, one of the reasons we shun office chit chat is because of its superficial value. Generally, we don’t talk about anything meaningful or fascinating. We stick to the three w’s- work, weather and weekend plans. But you are in the driver’s seat. Take control of the conversation and bring up topics of interest, whether that’s a new series you’ve started watching or a hobby you’re passionate about. We tend to enjoy listening to people who are passionate about what they do or what they’re speaking about.

Have An Arsenal Of Stories And Questions

If you really want to be able to talk to anyone confidently and without the fear of knowing what to say, it’s best to have a few core questions or a bank of anecdotes which you can rely upon whenever. This might be a story from a workshop you recently attended or perhaps a question about a current article you’ve noticed in the newspaper in the break room. Have these on hand to avoid trawling through your brain or desperately searching for common ground.

Faux Pas Will Happen

If you fear small talk, the chances are, it won’t always go to plan. Even if you put into practise the points in this article, you might occasionally find yourself in that moment of silence that lasts for an eternity. Take this as a lesson. Think about what went wrong and why it occurred. Use this to better your conversation next time.

Small talk is never going to go away, otherwise what else would Shelly from accounting do whilst reheating her leftovers for lunch, or how else would Brian from sales fill the walk from his desk to the car park at the end of the day. So, your choices are to continue feeling the dread, the intimidation and the anxiety that you might currently feel, or embrace it. Building rapport with people builds trust. It might help your boss overlook small mistakes. It might get you an interview for a promotion. And it can even help get you the job in the first place as people tend to hire those that they want to work with.

If the thought of chit chat makes you shudder or the idea of break room banter makes you want to crawl into a hole, you could benefit from upgrading your communication skills. We’re not all born with the ability to speak in a confident and compelling way, and we’re also not all natural listeners.

Fancy testing your communication skills? This 2-minute assessment will provide you with immediate results, honest feedback and tailored follow-up actions. May you never say, ‘I’m good, how are you?’ again.

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Learn to love office small talk

I remember thinking as a child that when I grew older, I would know all there is or was to know and that I would be perfect at everything. Well, maturity didn’t exactly bring that.

However, I now appreciate my strengths but also recognise my weaknesses. And that is OK because I know there are others who have the business, technical and social skills I don’t have and we end up complementing one another. That is the joy and satisfaction of having others around me.

A team is where everyone pulls together and accepts each other for what individually they can and cannot do. What traits are needed to have an effective team — one that is cohesive and cooperative, where each member fulfils their role and then supports and complements the others within the group? There are many traits, but let me give you my top ten.

My Top 10 Traits for an Effective Team

1. Commitment: One of the most important traits in strong, happy teams is commitment. It means putting the team first and then committing to each individual within the team and being there to help them when they need it. Members should not be in competition with each other but work cooperatively.
2. Respect: This is a vital trait both in business and in one’s social or domestic life. Without respect for the individual, there can be no progress. Within the team, group dynamics can go from bad to worse.
3. Appreciation:Do your team feel valued for what they do or do they feel they are just there to do a job? The act of giving recognition for a job well done is powerful for all concerned and even more powerful when publicized.
4. Be tolerant and not always critical:Successful team leaders should focus on people’s strengths and not their faults.
5. Common interests: Try to identify and give recognition to the various outside interests of others in order to gain and build cooperative support within the group as it assists social cohesion and comradeship.
6. Be a listening ear: Everyone goes through problems at some point in their lives, but I wonder if any of your team members know you well enough to recognise any signs of stress that you may be experiencing. Are you confident you could talk to another member of your team if you have a particular problem for which you would appreciate some help or advice? The sooner a problem is addressed and diffused, the better for both you and for the group. Your team should be your family during work hours.
7. Cross-sell: We know that stores will cross-sell but why not do this within teams? When you have done something for someone else, why not ask ‘is there anything else I can do?’. It may be they are particularly busy and could do with a helping hand. Maybe another time, you will need a hand. Let us not forget the old proverb, ‘what goes around … comes around’.
8. Be willing to go the extra mile: There are times when it is important to agree to, or to volunteer to do that bit extra. Maybe working an extra hour or going to see another customer or supplier. When we are part of a team, it means we are flexible and accommodating to others within the group in order to achieve common goals.
9. Unlock the potential in others: We are all capable of more than we expect. And that applies to both you and your colleagues. We should all encourage initiative and new ideas. Innovation is the key to success. But to be successful, ideas need to be put on the table so that they can be evaluated, critiqued and improved. That is where the power of the team can be manifested.
10. Give and take: Healthy teams thrive in healthy cultures and being aware of the person who sits next to you or across your desk may give you an opportunity for a beneficial relationship to develop. If you can help them and if they can help you, why would you not open your eyes wider and listen more attentively?

A successful team is based around positive and collaborative team dynamics which depend on mutual assistance. If you are a leader and you struggle to get your team on side, you might benefit from a focused training programme which will provide the tools and skills to help you keep your teams motivated and engaged.

Alternatively, you might benefit from learning to actively listen which will help you communicate more effectively, leading to improved performance and team morale. Try asking a colleague if they need a hand with their workload, perhaps just asking if they need you to look over anything. See if they return the favour. This leads to more productive and healthy work relationships and benefits the organisation because happier, cooperative staff usually means more productive and effective employees.

Being a part of a team should mean something. You might have played on the football team at school or maybe you were a member of the school council. This probably gave you value and the chance to connect with like-minded individuals.

Being in a team means being a family, whether it’s for an hour you spend volunteering with others or it’s the 9-5 at the office. Nobody can do everything on their own – we all need a little help from time to time. Cooperation is the key to group success! Do you have any other traits you consider vital to an effective team?

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Your team are your family: Do you treat them that way?

Stress and mental health in local government is often in the news but it isn’t a new problem. Pressure is part and parcel of all work and helps to keep you focused and motivated.

But excessive pressure can lead to stress which undermines performance, is costly to the public sector and can make people really ill. A survey by the mental health charity Mind has reported in the MBJ that public health workers are more likely to be suffering with mental health illnesses compared with those in the private sector, whilst they are less likely to feel supported when they disclose these problems.

The need to tackle stress is recognised in law. Under the Health and Safety at Work Action 1974 and the Management of Health and Safety at Work Regulation [1999], employers are obliged to undertake a risk assessment for health hazards at work – including stress – and to take action to control that risk.

Organisations have a duty of care to uphold towards their staff and failure to put effective measures in place to prevent, or at least give access to immediate assistance, can often lead to heavy financial penalties.

The Challenge

Many employees find they are unable to cope with the pressures of work and become overwhelmed. Add to this, the pressures of commuting and modern day living, the organisation may find that it is suffering with extended absenteeism putting pressure on already overstretched resources.

Every Council will have its own stress fingerprint and with an increased workload, high rising levels of stress can be exacerbated by feelings of job insecurity, prolonged uncertainty and threats of further spending cuts.

This can lead to:

• Low morale
• Loss of confidence
• Physical harm and injury
• Low staff retention
• High absenteeism
• Loss of talent

All of which will affect the bottom line and spirit of the organisation.

The Solution – Build a Healthy Workplace Culture

The solution is not rocket science and does not need to be a costly intervention. Many Councils will already have interventions in place such as an EAP counselling service, mental health first-aiders and health and wellbeing initiatives. However, these interventions will not work unless stress is identified at the frontline. The frontline is of course line Management, team leaders, supervisors and in fact all individuals who have responsibility for other employees.

They are the ones whose role it is to manage their teams, look out for early signs of stress, make time to talk to them and introduce whatever interventions might be needed to support them. An employee may have problems with childcare, flexible working, eldercare, role ambiguity, and the sooner the manager makes the time to talk to them about what they can do to help, the sooner the employee will get back to full performance and productivity.

That is why it is not rocket science!

Wellbeing Habits

Of course, it’s also important for e managers to appreciate that they can’t look after their team members if they don’t look after themselves. Leading by example and having good wellbeing habits in the workplace is key to reducing absenteeism and getting their teams to thrive. If a manager keeps their email on 24/7 and expects their employees to respond every time they write to them, they are setting a very poor example of good wellbeing habits and putting their employees under unnecessary pressure.

Managers are busy people. However, busy people are quite able to ignore their own signs of stress, become an adrenaline junkie and then find themselves on the road to burnout. It can happen to anyone at any time.

Imagine a vase that has been dropped and has been glued and put back together again. You may well be able to use it for artificial flower arrangements, but you will never be able to put water in it otherwise it will leak. It works the same for our bodies. Your body may break down and you might get back to some form of work again, but it will not be in the same capacity.

So, what are the signs of burnout?

• Feeling tired all the time
• Inability to concentrate
• Increased anxiety
• Anger management issues
• Lack of motivation
• Severe health issues
• Prolonged absenteeism
• Lack of care with appearance
• Overuse of alcohol, medication and recreational drugs

But it is important to remember that no two people are the same.

Walking-the-talk

The role of line managers in employee wellbeing is so vital as they are often the first port of call when an employee has a problem. With the right skillset in place, they will have the capability and confidence to tackle those sensitive conversations with an employee, intervene when they can, and signpost to other supportive interventions that may be required.

Managing people and being perceptive about their needs is key to a healthy workplace culture. Now I know Managers may tell me that they don’t have the time to listen to their teams or don’t have the skillset to do so and let us not forget that many managers are promoted into managerial positions because of their technical skills and not because of their people management skills. Accepting the promotion is easy and the realisation that they have to manage fifty people may not actually dawn on them until they are fully ensconced in the job.

If Managers don’t have the listening skills to communicate with their teams, it’s only a matter of getting trained. It is as simple as that. Leaders who support a listening skills culture will enjoy a more productive and profitable team. That is why we offer Senior Executive Masterclasses in active listening. If leaders know how to look after their people, they will look after their team objectives which will drive the bottom line.

What Next?

Managing stress takes practice and discipline. It doesn’t come naturally to everyone as there are so many different calls on your time – whether that be from home or from work. However, it is vital to make mental wellbeing an everyday habit and make sure you build personal and team resilience to manage the ‘21^stcentury overwhelm culture’.

You may do little about the stress you’re having to manage at work – in some ways this could be out of your control. But what is inside your control is your resilience to manage it. Take time to learn what it will take to be more resilient, know how to switch off after work, and achieve a healthy work-life balance.

As a manager having the right attitude and mindset will carry you forward. Don’t be an invisible force around the office. Don’t be the Manager who says ‘my door is open’ but always has it closed! Walk the talk and engage with your staff.

Don’t forget that employees like to feel valued and appreciated. A hand-written thank you note will go a long way to increasing motivation and morale – and all for no extra money in the pay packet! It’s really that simple.

Turn a culture of ME into a culture of WE and put a healthy workplace culture, wellbeing and work-life balance, top of your agenda. If you’re unsure of how to develop a culture of wellbeing in the workplace, take a look at my most recent article which explains the benefits of wellbeing and ways to promote it. Don’t sweep stress-related issues under the carpet and think they will go away. Odds are they won’t!

Given how much time we spend at work and how much mental ill-health there is, it is really important that Managers engage, involve and inspire their people – and carry them with them!  They need to encourage a positive working environment where people will look forward to coming to work. A workplace where employees feel included and part of the way forward. The positive impact that this will have on employees will be enormous and the organisation will benefit from a happier, healthier, more engaged and productive team of employees.

Need to Reduce Absenteeism in your Organisation?

We can help.  Just click here and book a 30 minute complimentary Discovery Call with me to find out how we might be able to help you.

A Case Study

Bill James worked as an IT Specialist in a local City Council for over five years. He knew his boss was leaving and was waiting to hear who was going to take over from him. The CEO called him into her office and asked if he would like the post. More money, more recognition, more responsibility. He jumped at the chance. Three months into post, he realised that managing people was not his forte.  He was a left-brain person; happy with machines but not with people. At first, he didn’t like to admit this to himself but when things started to get out of hand, he went to HR and shared his concerns.  He was ‘not to worry and would learn on the job’. He never did. He stopped sleeping, was answering emails late at night, found himself irritable with his team members and lost the pleasure of going into work. He ignored all these signs until he started to get chest pains and his wife made an appointment for him to see the doctor. The doctor said that if he didn’t start to control his working life, he was on the road to burn out. The next three weeks he looked after himself, switched off from work completely, walked and ate well, and even learnt mindfulness. Bill was one of the lucky ones as he was able pull back from where he was. He went back to work and immediately went to HR where he insisted on some managerial training. 

First of all, he wanted some support in leading his team and immediately put himself onto a listening skills programme for Managers. He had people to manage and had received no training to do so.  He knew he had to recognise signs and symptoms of stress in his team early but did not have the skillset to do so.

His email was out of control, so he placed boundaries and limitations as to when he did and did not answer it. Before he would stop what he was doing every time an email popped up on his screen! He allowed himself to switch his phone off, so he was not available 24/7. He learnt how to close his office door at the end of an evening and switch off from work. 

A year into the post, Bill now heads up a successful team in the Council. There are of course still many challenges due to job security and threats of more cuts, but he feels in control of what he is doing.  He knows he is a role model to the rest of his team and every day he walks the talk and spends time communicating with his team, providing praise and recognition to his valued employees.

Read more:
Stress: The silent problem within local government that you may never notice

‘You’ve got trouble, I’ve got ‘em too’

‘We stick together and we see it through’

Just some of the wise words of song writer Randy Newman.

On 8th June, we celebrated Best Friends Day. We’re all aware that we enjoy spending time with our best friends. That’s why we choose to do it.

But you probably didn’t know that those friendships are scientifically backed up to be good for us, according to Michigan State University. Friends are the family we choose. The family that we can talk to about anything without judgement and without fear of disappointing them. That’s why they’re the ones we turn to when the night is darkest.

They’re Extending Your Life

We often overlook the connection between mental health and physical health. You want to improve your physical health- you go to the gym, right? Wrong.

Did you know that feeling stressed out can negatively impact the heart and lead to higher blood pressure levels, putting you at a serious health risk? It has been said that having an active social life is twice as effective as exercise in prolonging life. That doesn’t mean you should neglect keeping fit, just that you should be engaging in fulfilling relationships and prioritising spending quality time with the people that mean the most to you.

They’re Causing you More Happiness Than Cash

A 2016 report from the London School of Economics found that there was a closer association between happiness levels and relationships compared to happiness and income. The research was carried out over 50 years, where wages have increased dramatically. However, happiness levels had not, leading to the conclusion that relationships, present then and now, are where happiness begins.

Their Company Can Prevent Dementia

A study conducted in the Netherlands found a link between loneliness and an increased risk of dementia and a higher chance of early death. However, this does not mean that those of you with a small social circle should worry.

Loneliness is the sense of feeling alone, not being alone. You may have a large social group but still feel as if you’re on your own all the time. The quality of your relationships is what is important, not the number

They Halve your Problems

Many of us don’t like to share everything with our families. Usually not for privacy reasons, but because we don’t like to burden people with our problems. However, this is not something that concerns us when we share with friends. After all, that’s what friends are there for. Keeping problems to yourself can be detrimental to your mental health as you struggle to keep your problems locked away inside. Talking to your friends can bring more stress relief than you might expect as you feel that weight on your shoulders being cut in half.

They Create Good Habits

This one can work both ways which is why it is important to surround yourself with people who have a positive influence on your life. We often recruit our friends into activities or events that we want to do, but perhaps lack the courage or the support.

Losing that extra weight seems easier when you’re sharing the struggle with a friend. Deciding to run a marathon doesn’t seem as daunting when you’re training together. Implementing healthy habits is easy but sticking with them can be challenging.

Having good influences and positive energy surrounding you results in greater feelings of motivation and determination.

They Take Away the Pain

A 2016 study at Oxford University concluded that friends are ‘better than morphine’. They found that individuals with less fulfilling relationships, had a lower tolerance to pain compared with people part of larger social circles. The happiness that we gain from talking to and spending time with friends causes the brain to release the same endorphins we feel when we exercise.

So, next time you’re feeling low, or stressed, or lonely, grab your closest friends and experience that natural ‘friendship high’ we didn’t even know was a thing.

Why not make a phone call today to a friend who may not have heard from you for a while. Wear a smile on your face. Happy Best Friends Day.

Read more:
Friends with benefits – but not what you’re thinking!

Are you a member of Cellphones Anonymous?  In other words, are you addicted to your cellphone?

Now before you start to roll your eyes, let’s see how you answer these questions:

If you can answer ‘Yes’ to the above, the chances are that you should become a member of Cellphones Anonymous because you are probably a device slave.  

We are a generation that has become addicted to our mobile devicesalthough we don’t yet know the consequences of this in the years to come. We will not know the effect on our bodies, and brains, until further research becomes available as to the long-term consequences, if any, on our mental and cognitive acuity.  And what about our being role modelsto our children? Are you leading by example?

Cellphones have become, for some, a virtual body organ who, it would appear, would rather be without their kidney or liver rather than without their cellphone.  

Many cannot now imagine life without their iPhone.  What would yourvirtual Facebook friends think if you didn’t update your account countless times per day?   Maybe they would think you were unwell.  But if you were unwell, the chances are you would have your phone by your side in your bed so that you wouldn’t miss a post.  So it couldn’t be that!  Maybeyou just dropped your iPhone and damaged it beyond repair – but then you would most likely have gadget insurance so that you would get a replacement in 24 hours!

And what if your phone battery runs out of charge and you forgot your cell charging unit! Doubtless, you would sit staring at your dead phone,willing it to spring back to life!

And what about your health?  We really don’t know if the LED emissions coming from the screen is going to leave you with long–term eye sightproblems or the electro–magnetic radiation, with hearing difficulties.  The truth is we just don’t know.    And then there is Repetitive Strain Injury.  I could go on…

Available 24/7?

You have possibly convinced yourself that your office may require you in case of urgency so you need to be available 24/7. But is that really true?

Could it be that you are waiting for that film director you met, last week,to contact you about a leading role in his new film?  Probably not!

Or maybe that you are next in line for a directorship?  Again, doubtful as that news would not necessarily come through as an SMS.

So what is the purpose of this rant?  Well, it was brought about by my sitting in a restaurant while writing this column and watching a couplearrive for dinner, holding hands.  I thought to myself, how lovely to make time for a special romantic evening.  They were given the menu to choose from and then within five minutes of ordering, the man started to talk to his watch and the woman started tapping away at her phone!  But then, wait for it, they both still managed to communicate electronically even whilst eating!  Eventually, the bill was paid and then they went on their way, walking out hand in hand.  Well, call me ‘old fashioned’ but somehow this ‘together time’ did not ooze any communication – except, of course, via Facebook or Twitter!

And before you say it, I know what is going through your mind.  What was I doing in a restaurant with my laptop?    Don’t worry – I was ahead of you!  I wasn’t with anyone else!

And so for my Star Trek sci-fi fans who remember looking at their futuristic gadgets and thinking we would never be using anything like those – well, we are and I wonder what Captain Kirk and Spock would have thought of all of this while they were travelling around the galaxy in their Starship Enterprise.  

Anyway, enough from me, my time is up, so – ‘Beam me up Scotty!’

Read more:
Can you imagine life without your phone?

Workplace bullying is most definitely on the increase, not least of all because of the ample opportunities for cyber bullying in our high tech workplaces.

Bullying and harassment are major stressors in the workplace when allowed to get out of hand. There is no doubt that robust procedures and a zero tolerance policy go a long way towards deterring bullies but it is often difficult to pick up the early signs and symptoms. So how does bullying behaviour manifest itself in the workplace and why does one person regard a person’s behaviour as ‘bullying’ and someone else perceives it as ‘just their way’?

Bullying behaviours can include a wide range of both overt and covert actions. It is not unusual, for example, for individuals to complain that their professional competence has been called into question as a result of disparaging remarks or criticism from colleagues or managers, whom they find to be undermining their work.

These attacksmight include such overt actions as a public ‘dressing down’ for alleged work errors, or covert behaviour such as circulating rumours or gossip that appear to question an individual’s ability. This can also include ‘non-action’ – for example, not giving acknowledgement and/or approval for work well done, or failing to ask the opinion of the person who is clearly best qualified to provide that input.

Bullies will typically:

• Make unreasonable demands of their chosen target
• Shout at victims publicly, as a deliberate tactic to disempower
• Give instructions which are then varied for no apparent reason
• Allocate tasks which they know are beyond an individual’s ability
• Block promotion by refusing to give fair appraisals or endorsing pay increases     

      or bonus awards

• Exclude the victim from discussions germane to their work responsibilities

‘Overwork’ can involve the imposition of unrealistic deadlines where people are deliberately ‘set up’ to fail. This may also appear as ‘micro management’, where every dot and comma is checked so often that incompetence is deliberately implied.

How Does Bullying Affect the Individual?

Individuals who are bullied at work often feel they have lost control and, as a result, have ceased to be able to carry out their duties without being threatened. Instead, they live from day-to-day as they fight to regain a position of normality, usually unsuccessfully. After a period, they will tend to become introverted and shy away from contact with others in the workplace. They may be tense, anxious and prone to emotional outbursts and uncooperative. The stress that bullying creates often leads to minor illnesses such as headaches, irritable bowel syndrome and fatigue but if stress is experienced over a prolonged period, then the person concerned may ultimately suffer more serious health problems including ‘burnout’ and a breakdown as a result.  

What Should the Organisation do?

It is clearly important that employers recognise the impact that bullying can have on the organisation as a whole, as well as on individual employees. In particular, a robust formal policy and procedure should be in place to deal with bullying or harassment issues as this will positively indicate that the organisation takes the issue seriously, and provide a mechanism for dealing with complaints, both informally and formally. This is a particularly important point should a case of intimidation or harassment against the company or organisation be brought before the courts or an industrial tribunal.

People are often reluctant to discuss their experience of bullying for fear of reprisal or further intimidation.  It may be seen as a ‘black mark’ against them that could damage their career progression. However, a majority of individuals, having suffered bullying, are unwilling to take formal action, and this is no doubt a contributory factor in the high exit rates associated with bullying at work and this could be picked up during an Exit Interview with a simple question of ‘Have you ever been bullied at work?’

Management Training

Undoubtedly, the most effective workplace bullying intervention is the training of managers to help them recognise the signs and symptoms and ensure the fast and effective resolution of disputes between their staff. Quite often, managers do nothing simply because they do not know what to do and merely hope that the problem will go away.  They feel out of their depth not having been trained in the correct procedure to take. 

Most victims of bullying have two main aims – to keep their job and for the situation to return to ‘normal’. These apparently simple goals can get lost in the distractions of defensive positioning regarding possible legal claims and worries about future actions to remedy the situation.

Bullying is unacceptable in the modern workplace, and an organisation’s action (or inaction) in relation to bullying will often be judged by its staff – with inaction being seen as condoning bullying at work.  Generally speaking, people do not want to work for a company that has a reputation for bullying behaviour.  

The Way Forward

Workplace harassment and bullying is on the increase.  A tough economic climate certainly has an impact on management behaviour and this in turn can lead to increased stress levels throughout the organisation.  As companies downsize, they are looking to achieve higher sales and increased productivity from every employee, and very often in an attempt to survive the economic downturn, inappropriate tactics are employed.  

Managers working remotely are not necessarily able to keep an eye on what is going on in the office.   They are caught up with their own challenges and often miss the first signs of bullying behaviour. When they finally realise there is a problem, it is often too late to retrieve the situation and a serious consequence of inaction crystallises such as a resignation or a serious health problem, and a consequent legal claim for compensation.

Bullies are notoriously known to conduct their bullying behaviour behind closed doors but those who conduct it in front of others, leave behind a wake of fear not only with their target but also with those who witness it.  Fear is a key factor in this scenario and very often, managers persuade themselves to ignore rather than confront the problem. Bullies will invariably choose the person who has little confidence but it should not be forgotten that they will also often try to victimise the person who is popular and therefore seen as a threat to them.  

Whatever the reason, workplace bullying is pernicious behaviour that is usually insidious and which needs to be stamped out the moment it is identified or reported. The whole organisation from the boardroom downwards needs to stand behind the policy to demonstrate unequivocally that they will not accept such behaviour.  

Read more:
Workplace Bullying: The way forward to a zero tolerance

If someone is going through a difficult time in their life, it might help them to talk.

If there is something they are finding difficult to think through, or something that is rather upsetting, then now might be the time for them to confide in a trusted friend.

This is a person that someone may know well and who is able to listen attentively and non-judgementally to what they are saying and not interrupt them with their own opinions or judgements.  It can be difficult to hold back personal opinions but that is exactly what is required at such times from a confidante.

However, a trusted friend who is also a good listener is a rare breed of person.  Of course, you may think that you are a good listener but active listening is an ability to put your own thoughts on hold whilst giving the speaker your full attention. 

Making the time to listen

Active listening takes time and one cannot always stop all else in order to listen attentively. In such an instance, therefore, you would need to sensitively postpone the conversation to another time in the near future without the person concerned feeling rejected.  In an ideal world, we would always be able to make time to listen but very often our busy lives do not give us the opportunity to do this.  

And what about the person who wants to talk?  They may have been feeling anxious and upset for some time but are concerned about approaching you on a personal matter and taking up your time.  They know you are busy and have plenty of other things on your mind.  Nevertheless, one day, they may summon up the courage to ask if you have the time to talk.

The manner in which you respond to them will make all the difference to helping them feel valued and worthwhile.  If that particular moment is inconvenient then it could be really helpful to suggest a firm time later in the day.  The main point is not to be dismissive but to show positive interest and concern where appropriate.

Active listening is a communication technique used in counselling, training and conflict resolution, which requires the listener to feedback what they hear to the speaker, by way of re-stating or paraphrasing what they have heard in their own words, to confirm what has been said and moreover, to confirm the understanding of both parties.

To use the active listening technique to improve interpersonal communication, one puts personal emotions aside during the conversation, asks questions and paraphrases back to the speaker to clarify understanding, and one also tries to overcome all types of environmental distractions. Judging or arguing prematurely is a result of holding onto a strict personal opinion. This hinders the ability to be able to listen closely to what is being said. Eye contact and appropriate body language are seen as important components to active listening. The stress and intonation may also keep them active and away from interruptions.

Being a good listener does not require you to be a counsellor nor does it remove the need for people to seek professional counselling support where appropriate. Professional counsellors are trained to listen and to support people through difficult personal issues and to propose changes in order to better deal with current and/or future problems and challenges. Their remit is to improve the life of the person seeking help and provide a more objective viewpoint with a greater perspective on how to deal with their problems.

Your company may already have an in-house or external counselling service or maybe an Occupational Health department.  If so, trained professionals may be available to give skilled guidance on specific goals and issues that the individual may want to work on, or to learn effective strategies to make their life better and healthier.

In all our lives, there is a place both for an attentive listener and sometimes also for a professional counsellor.  The phrase of ‘a problem halved is a problem solved’ comes to mind and, of course, it doesn’t really matter where the help or support comes from, provided it is helpful to the person who requires it.

Key Points

• Being able to talk through a problem is important
• Try to always be an active listener
• We all need a ‘sounding board’ from time to time

Read more:
Are you a good listener?

Sonya, is a Sales Manager in a Pharmaceutical company, a position that had taken her over 10 years to attain.

She prides herself on her communication skills but at her appraisal meeting, she was told that her formal and blunt emailing style needed to be more ‘friendly’.   She was very surprised and argued that the quantity of email that she had to deal with each day, meant that each one had to be actioned quickly, and with no real time for pleasantries.

Which leaves the question:  could formal and blunt email messages be taken by the recipient as a form of cyber bullying? The answer is, ‘No!’. Cyber-bullying is writing with the intent to humiliate an individual by publishing adverse comment about him or her.

Although Sonya never does this, nevertheless her style of writing which is terse and short could be taken by the recipient as ‘unfriendly’ – which may not be termed ‘bullying’ but will nevertheless not make her addressee feel valued.

Each time someone were to receive an email from her, it would seem like she is giving a directive or a command.  Now, you may say that is what she is doing.

However, I would say to you that there are better ways of getting the most out of others and that is not by making them feel that they are automaton. People like to feel valued and appreciated for not only what they do but who they are.

So where is the line between a direct and blunt, personal management style and bullying behaviour?

Many of us receive over fifty emails per day and our aim is to try to clear our inbox as quickly as possible, but in our haste, we may write in a way that can offend or which can appear as  unnecessarily abrupt.  When emailing, we very often ignore the usual courtesies that we use when writing a letter. Many times emails are received, and written, with no subject header but just the bare message, with the result that the words often appear to be harsh.

Do you remember the days when you would receive a letter by mail with a handwritten signature – instead of one that was scanned electronically?  Unfortunately, such personal correspondence is now a thing of the past.

So what can you do about it?

• Never answer email if you are angry or emotional. If you wish to ‘let off steam’, then do so but put the email into your ‘draft’ box, as you may not wish to send it in the morning!
• When you have written your email, read it as if you were the person receiving it.
• Try and use words or phrases such as ‘I appreciate’, ‘you have done a great job’, ‘many thanks’, ‘you have done really well’, etc.
• Don’t copy in your emails or texts to the whole office when you don’t need to!
• Don’t send out emails late at night and set a poor example for working long hours
• Don’t make your messages ‘high-priority’ unless it is really urgent.
• If you need to be direct with someone – think of the words that you say BEFORE you write them.
• If you have sent an email and are not happy with what you have written, then pick up the phone and tell them, in advance.
• When have finished the email, then read it as if you were the one who is about to receive it. If you are happy with it, then send.  If not, then revisit.

If you manage your emails and texts correctly and give praise at the appropriate time, then when you need to criticise, there will be a balance.

We tend to forget that once an email has been sent, then it is there for all time.  We cannot retract what has been put down on paper but we can use the ‘old fashioned’ means of saying ‘I’m sorry’ if upset has been caused.

Key Points

• Emails & texts show no emotion
• Give appreciation in your emails
• Electronic messaging needs care

Read more:
Think before you press ‘send’!

If you live or work in a high stress environment, you may well increase your risk of hypertension – high blood pressure.

High blood pressure which can cause negative effects to your overall physical health, can be caused by a number of different factors, but prolonged stress is often a primary cause.

Hypertension occurs when your blood vessels constrict due to a permanent reduction in the cross-sectional area as a result of atheroma deposits or a temporary narrowing due to an increase in hormonal production. When your blood pressure is too high, you may experience headaches or  dizziness but, in many cases, there will be no symptoms.

And that is the danger because high blood pressure over a long period of time can lead to a stroke which will permanently damage your heart. So, before this happens, it is important to figure out ways to either get rid of all the stress factors {stressors} in your everyday life.  Alternatively, you must find ways to cope with the effects of your stress before they cause you cardiac damage that is irreparable.

How to minimise stress

There are usually ways to either avoid or mitigate stress and its effects, but if you already have high blood pressure, then see your doctor to find out what you can do to bring it down either by a change in lifestyle or by medication – or both – to get it under control.

It is important to appreciate that you can help yourself to reduce stress, improve your health and lower your blood pressure in a number of ways. You need to carefully watch your diet to avoid foods that are high in salt.

Make sure you exercise on a regular basis in order to help to get the blood flowing through your body’s arterial system that will also help you to keep to a healthy weight. Finally, you should ensure that in addition to an optimum body weight that your cholesterol is within recommended limits – currently under 5, but even better if under 4.

Other than these physical changes, the most important factor for your health is to manage your stress levels. You must learn not to concern yourself with things that are beyond your control i.e. those issues that are greater than the resources, which are available to you, to effectively combat them.  If you fail to understand this vital point, then you will always suffer from the effects of stress – and those effects can, sometimes, be fatal.

Losing control

Stress indicates that you have lost control over a particular situation, at work or at home. It means that your mind, and inevitably your body, has recognized and accepted that you do not have the means available to you to fight the problem that confronts you. That problem could be physical or mental but will probably be the latter as the former is usually of a short duration. A typical example might be bullying at work by a boss who feels the need to intimidate you every working day and from whom there is no obvious escape or solution other than to change your job.

Financial pressures

Another frequent problem that inevitably causes stress is financial. Your expenditure exceeds your current income and you can find no way to reduce the first or to increase the second.

In other words, your resources available to you are insufficient to meet, or fight, the current challenges. Your body recognizes this issue as a serious challenge to your health, safety or security, and automatically increases the production of cortisol – the so called ‘stress hormone’.

This will increase both your heart rate and your blood pressure in order to meet the perceived challenge but, unfortunately, it can do neither because in most cases the challenge is not physical. Your body is put in a high state of alert to fight an intruder, where there is none, the result is stress. In instances where this happens on a frequent or prolonged basis, then your body will suffer damage as a result.

Key points

Personal resources < those required to meet challenge = stress

Prolonged stress = hypertension = danger to health

Imperative = avoidance or mitigation of known stressors

Read more:
Stress & blood pressure

News of impending change can provoke resentment, even fear, across any business. This may be quite out of proportion to the disruption that actually takes place.

More anxiety is generated by people’s attitudes towards change than by the change itself.

Today, businesses are experiencing constantly accelerating change. The bottom line is that management must recognise change as a fact of life and develop the right mindset to deal with it positively. The key objectives are to prepare people for change, minimise disruption and loss of morale while it is happening, and maintain productivity, turning it into an opportunity for growth.

Reactions to Change

Of course, reactions to change will vary across the organisation. The senior management team will probably view it most favourably – maybe they were the ones who voted the changes in. The rest of the workforce, having a mistrust of promises from above, might suspect an ulterior motive. Middle management may be undecided and see both benefits and drawbacks in the new arrangements.

Despite this, research seems to indicate that the way people respond to change has less to do with job status and more to do with personality type. How you ‘read’ different personalities will have a bearing on your ability to hold a team together and maintain their performance through difficult times.

Resisters, Embracers and the Undecided

To keep this simple, there are three kinds of people you should be aware of. These are the Resisters, the Embracers, and the Undecided.

The Resisters are those who instinctively dislike change. They tend to dismiss anything new and unfamiliar as unnecessary or impractical. They’re often reluctant to disturb the comfortable rut they’re in, or they might be yearning for some well-ordered world where nothing needs to be altered.

But in truth there is no such world. Change is the lifeblood of business, and it’s vital to be able to manage Resisters and others through it.

Embracers are those who actively welcome change, and are keen to explore new systems or cultures. They may include IT people, who are up to speed with the latest technology – they understand their value to the business and are likely to be promoted. Embracers may also include people who are innovators and risk-takers by nature – they are business builders who are likely to progress quickly in the organisation.

Between the Embracers and the Resisters sit the great majority – the Undecided, otherwise known as floating voters. When you’re thinking about how to get the Undecided on side with change, you need allies.

This is where the Embracers can help, by influencing those who are resistant or slow to change. They will join the cause, especially if you consult them about the changes, instead of just notifying them about what’s going to happen. By taking them into your confidence, you may find you get new insights, perhaps revealing underlying issues not properly identified before.

A Listening Ear

When change is in the offing, it’s not the big public addresses or rousing speeches that will win hearts and minds. No – more important than these are a good listening ear, empathy with the vulnerable, an understanding of how to interpret what people say and an ability to spot and act on verbal clues.

You need to be able to communicate clearly and persuasively, talking to people about the benefits of change, how it is going to serve the general good and help the business remain viable.

Offering Support

And remember that, during the whole process, people at any level may become prey to doubts and confusion, while some may suffer stress-related problems. You should be able and prepared to deal with these behaviours, offering employee support and change management training.

Making the time to take people with you through changing times is crucial. It will pay dividends in terms of increased morale, maximising productivity, and keeping the business on course to take advantage of future opportunities and growth.

Key Points

• You need the right mindset to be able to manage organisational change effectively
• Offering employee support and change management training are essential
• Reactions to change tend to reflect personality types rather than job status
• A listening ear and being able to empathise are vital management qualities

Read more:
Change: An opportunity for growth

Mental Health Awareness week hosted by the UK’s Mental Health Foundation takes place from 14^th to 20^th May, 2018 and their theme this year is Stress.

A variety of factors contribute to workplace stress, including long working hours, poor management communication, expectations being set too high, a lack of recognition and reward, uncertainty about future prospects, and work underload or overload. These lead to low morale, poor performance, lack of commitment, higher levels of absenteeism due to ill health, presenteeism and increased staff turnover.

The Facts

According to The UK Labour Force Survey (2016/2017), 12.5 million working days are lost each year due to work-related stress, depression or anxiety, with about 44% of people experiencing work overload. This is definitely an unacceptably high figure and carries a significant cost for businesses.

Stress can also lead to mental health problems, including depression and anxiety disorders, with about 8.2 million reported cases of anxiety disorders in the UK.

By tackling stress, we can go a long way in tackling mental health problems such as anxiety and depression, and, in some instances, self-harm and suicide. Sadly, in the UK, suicide remains the most common cause of death for men aged 20-49.

There is a considerable amount of stigma surrounding stress and mental health, with many people attributing the problem to a physical illness rather than a symptom of mental ill-health. They believe that others will see it as a sign of weakness or their inability to cope and as such distance themselves from them. Celebrities and the UK royals have helped to raise awareness in recent times, but we still have a long way to go. There are still countless executives in industry and commerce today who experience severe anxiety but are reticent about speaking out. However, it is true that some are championing the cause but nevertheless, we need more to carry the flag.

It is unfortunately true to say that many people think that if they admit to a mental health problem, they may not get a job, a promotion or keep a position even if they can secure it. And so they don’t talk about it! It means crossing a certain line into a world of medication and mental health support, where people may see you as ‘damaged goods’, an individual who will never be fully normal again. So a world of secrecy begins and mental health issues get swept under the carpet.

Stress Leading to Burnout

Prolonged cases of stress can lead to ‘burnout’ or a nervous breakdown. Sadly this may lead people to slip into dangerous addictions like alcohol, drugs or gambling in order to escape from their mental health problem and that can be the slippery road to burnout. Once they are in the burnout zone, they may never completely recover and return to full-time work again.

Healthy Culture

There are continual changes in business and industry – life in the workplace is increasingly fast-paced. People don’t want to be left behind, so they opt not to talk about stress, anxiety, and mental health issues. Yet, the first step to take is recognising the signs of stress so that we can start overcoming them.

Business leaders and professionals alike need to understand this and work towards a healthy organisational culture where these issues are talked about, not ignored. A healthy culture is one in which wellbeing is paramount and people feel valued and appreciated. Where they feel part of the team in a culture that’s inclusive.

A healthy culture grows through its people; industry bosses may not be able to pay the team more, but they will get more from their team if they are there to listen to them and tell them they are valued. They should make it clear that they recognise the contribution their employees are making.

As Chair of the registered charity, the International Stress Management Association (UK), I’m proud to say that speaking up about stress and mental health is exactly what we do. Following World Mental Health Week, we have International Stress Awareness Week coming up on Wednesday 5^th – 9^th November. Founded by ISMA twenty years ago, this day offers an important platform to talk about stress, how it can lead to mental health problems, and what we can do about it. [www.isma.org.uk]

Early Identification

Can stress-related problems be identified earlier? Yes they can. Usually, there are warning signs but they are invariably ignored. Individuals may exhibit signs that are there for others to observe such as irrational behaviour, lack of concentration or panic attacks. However, it is often the person himself who doesn’t acknowledge them.

The signs usually manifest in the form of absenteeism in the workplace, and actions can be taken to address them. One way of getting a firm handle on the problem is that repeated absenteeism should be managed by a ‘return-to-work’ interview where the manager of the individual focuses on possible stressors, either at work or home and recommends suitable interventions and adaptions in the workplace.

Speaking Up and Speaking Out

Too many people live their lives suffering from anxiety and stress. They live in fear of speaking out about it. The time is right to break through this antiquated culture and take a step of change, especially in the workplace, by showing our support for those who need support and taking the lid off stress and mental health issues.

3 Key Points

• There is still a stigma surrounding stress and mental health
• People still see it as an inability to cope
• Stress-related problems can be identified earlier
• Stress that remains unchecked can lead to serious mental health problems

Read more:
Taking the lid off of #Stress & #MentalHealth

Life should be exciting and pleasurable.  How many times have you said that to yourself?  Perhaps as you have waited in a traffic jam or opened all those bills and invoices for last month’s purchases!  

However, for life to be enjoyable we all need to be able to manage the challenges that we face.  Unfortunately, there will be times when we feel we cannot cope and it is then that we may experience negative stress. But experiencing signs of stress does not mean you are a weak individual who cannot cope – it just means you are human like everyone else!

We all react differently to the situations we have to face because we are all unique individuals.  Some of us may be passive personalities whilst others may be very competitive and our reaction to pressure, and especially excess pressure, will vary enormously. And dependent on our reaction, will be the state of our wellbeing and health.

Life in the 21st century is very different to that of only a few years ago and perhaps it would be useful to look at how we can improve our stress levels during the coming year.

Some of the most common signs of stress are:

Mood swings	Anxiety and/or depression
Skin problems	Tiredness
Muscle tension	Poor concentration/ memory
Waking unrefreshed	Changes in eating patterns
Low self esteem	Digestive problems

It is very important to take positive action when faced with stress as, if experienced over a prolonged period of time, it can seriously damage mental and physical health.

The following proven coping strategies can really start to help reduce the effects of any stress in your life.

• Be self-aware of your own warning signs – maybe this could be a sudden feeling of anxiety, extreme tiredness or feeling very tearful.
• Review what is really causing your stress.  Think about what action you could take to change things.  Examine whether your expectations of yourself, and others, are realistic?
• At times of stress, we often fall into the trap of either not eating sufficiently or over-eating, or even smoking.
• Try always to eat a balanced diet.

Eat complex carbohydrates such as wholemeal bread and pasta, rather than biscuits or chocolate! Remember, what you eat influences mood.

Eat plenty of fresh fruit and vegetables and keep sugar and salt intake to a minimum.  This will help to support your immune system in its fight against colds and flu.

Drink plenty of water, it helps general health as it rehydrates your body.

Try and keep coffee and all caffeine consumption to a minimum and avoid using nicotine or any other self-prescribed drugs.

• Do not feel guilty about including a period of relaxation every day.  We all need to ‘switch off’ from time-to-time.  Do something you enjoy that complements your life-style.  This could, for example, be reading, listening to music, yoga or meditation, enjoying a warm bath with aromatherapy oils added. Remember – to be comfortable both inside and out, is a vital part of living successfully!
• Make sure also that regular exercise is part of your everyday life and which is suitable for you.
• Make sure you choose an exercise that you like or you won’t stick to it!  If you have any doubts as to the correct intensity or duration then always check with your doctor before starting a new regime.
• Do you often find yourself saying “Yes!” when in fact you mean “No!”?  Are you always late for appointments?  Do you get frustrated knowing you could have done a better job if only you had organised your time better?  Then learn how to be more assertive and manage your time properly.  Many of us waste a lot of the day, then make excuses for things we have not done!
• Consider attending a stress management training course.  You do not have to be stressed to attend one of these.  It is far better to know what to do prior to experiencing stress than waiting

until it happens!

The secret to managing stress is learning how to control your personal environment, and the pressures within it, by strengthening all your resources of energy and utilising your time efficiently.

Key Points

Read more:
Stress & your lifestyle

People frequently say they don’t have time to manage their stress!. “Don’t bother me now. I’ve got a job to do”. Sound familiar?

You may be experiencing stress but judge it unnecessary to tell your boss as it could be seen as a black mark against you and you could be seen as not coping. And as we know, we should be able to cope with everything!
So let us start off with some of the myths and misconceptions about stress.

‘There’s no such thing as stress’

Wrong. Of course stress exists, and the word ‘stress’ itself is often applied incorrectly. Many people will use it when they have a temporary work overload, whereas in fact stress only occurs when a person perceives (over a prolonged period) that they have insufficient personal resources to cope with a given situation.

You can think of stress as a light switch that your body turns on automatically under specific circumstances. What you need to do is learn how to turn the switch off. This skill needs to be taught – as only through teaching can you learn how to manage your body’s natural response to perceived danger.

‘Stress is good for you’

Wrong. It’s often mistakenly thought that stress is good for people, when long-term stress is invariably harmful. Ill-health due to work-related stress, or conditions ascribed to it, is also one of the most common types of work-related ill-health.

While a certain amount of pressure can motivate individuals and therefore be useful, stress is never so. A probable explanation for the myth that people perform well under stress is that in fact they perform well under pressure that is ‘controlled’ (i.e. effectively managed).

Controlled pressure is useful when our body and mind are finely tuned in a way that enables them to achieve optimum results and performance.

‘Stress is a mental illness’

Wrong. Stress is the natural reaction people have to excessive pressure or other types of demands placed on them. Stress itself is not an illness, but it can lead to mental and physical ill-health such as depression, back pain and heart disease.

‘Stressors affect everybody equally’

Wrong. We need to appreciate that not everyone will react in the same way to any given problem, and that which one person perceives as merely pressure, another may perceive as stress.

It is important to be aware of the symptoms of stress and have the skills to defuse or mitigate any issues before they become potentially serious or disruptive. Being able to talk over difficult situations can often help when under excessive pressure.

‘Suffering from stress is a sign of weakness’

Wrong. Anyone can experience stress. Many people think that if they admit to experiencing stress, it’s a sign of failure, weakness or ineptitude. Individuals are often wary of any mention of stress being noted on their work record in case it might prejudice their chances of promotion, and so avoid discussing the problem with colleagues.

This is why it’s so important that the workplace culture embraces the notion that to be stressed occasionally is a normal human condition, and that to admit to it – initially to yourself – is the first step in modifying the situation or meeting the challenge.

‘All you need to do to stop work-related stress is go for counselling’

Wrong. Counselling may help you if you are suffering from work-related stress, but is unlikely to tackle the source of the problem. Research has found that support at work, particularly from managers for their staff, has a protective effect – frontline prevention by the organisation is far better than third party cure.

Read more:
Stress – myths & misconceptions